I can see you, your thoughts, and how desperately you've been missing him. The thought of him, the thought of how things would be if he didn't leave. It's okay to miss him. You crave the affection of love desperately. His soft spoken voice and how he would tell you he loves you in multiple ways. Your mind is corrupted with the thought of him and filed with questions: why did you leave? Why did you bring me so much pain? Why, why, why? You want your questions answered, but what good would that do? Bring up hurtful memories hidden in the back of your mind to protect your mentality from crumbling into billions of pieces. You lay in your room staring at the walls, trying to sleep but the constant thought of him, replaying several times in your mind over and over again. He's in control of your life, your happiness. You are at constant war with yourself and your mind. He's controlling you after he hurt you and shattered your heart. You're hopeless little screams crowd your head and overflows your mind and over rules your life. The pain he brought you long ago, still brings you stress and unfulfillment with how you portray yourself. Your anxiety worsens every night, you over think and cry yourself to sleep. I can see the pain that burdens you from fulfilling your dreams and being the strong independent young lady you once were… You're changing slowly and slowly everyday to someone or something that you never imagined you would become. The thought of him keeps a bitter taste in your mouth, a sad impact to your mind, multiple cracks to your heart, and the pit in your stomach rumbling, but still, you miss him and there's nothing you can do about it. You can't forget him or forgive him because, unfortunately he's part of you, he is always going to be carried with you through the days of your life. At the best moments you're going to sit there and think in the very back of your mind you're going to remember him and everything he has done to you. Once again you're at war with yourself  missing what should have never been.