January 12th
Read at 12:08 am.
Bulls*** baby, you were up.
The only replies I expect anymore are time stamps on the messages you refuse to believe
You've been trying to scratch in an expiration date on our relationship for months.
"You're going to leave, anyways."
you wont let me hold your heart in my hands
Trust me baby, I know how delicate a puzzle piece heart is.
The pieces don't fit together like they should but you chase out the pain with smoke and alcohol
It doesn't bother you.
Your heart has been like this since he died, since he died.
Stop trying to think I have already gone like the others before me.
The duct tape wrapped around your heart is restricting, but keeps it in place, in one piece, and silent.
But at this point
You don't bother replacing any of it.
You let your frail puzzle pieces fall out,
And I do not have enough words to dam up your starry blood.
Your heart is too empty.
You're taking me with you.
They call you Luna. I couldn't. You love the moon.
You were so pale and bright I thought you would join him up there.
Any day, you might.
But what can I do when I am mortal dragging his knees through the mud
And you are a bright, supernatural being,
A supernova,
A burning star.
I cannot touch you.
Now I may never be able to.
Even if you dared to reach your sun dust fingers out to me.
The first time you cursed me out I recreated it on my legs
In as much pain as i felt when you said it.
None of this is your fault, but I'm willing to endure the bullet wounds.
"Shut up Noah
Go
I literally don't need you
I don't want you as a friend
Leave me alone

I hate you"

And that's it.
Ever since then, repetitive venom spat through tears made my ears bleed.
"Why can't you understand that you need to leave?"
"Because I love you"
"Stop lying to me, Noah Samuel. You're making this harder than it has to be."
She's never said my middle name before.
I've memorized her entire script and maybe somehow
I'll decipher it.
I know she doesn't hate me.
Today, I love you
It said.
"I don't love anyone. Except for Noah, I do love Noah."
Even thinking about this is exhausting, Naomi. Please understand why I cannot write about you any longer. You scratched out the words from my throat and made me watch them burn in your sun star chest.
But I will continue
Because you cannot burn something that is intangible
My love for you is infinite, even if my throat is cut in the process.
Maybe my blood that you spill will be enough 
To keep your heart pumping.