Over You | Teen Ink

Over You

March 19, 2016
By futurista12 ELITE, Far Rockaway, New York
futurista12 ELITE, Far Rockaway, New York
615 articles 1 photo 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And though she be but little, she is fierce."- Shakespeare


On Day 1 (Monday), I felt like I had lost a fight with an Aztec warrior driving a double decker bus with alligator teeth on its wheels, needless to say, I was under the bus because now it was you and then I and no longer us.

It was my fault.

My words sent you away and when I begged you to stay, you said you needed time and space, time to think and space between us because time could not erase the words that I'd said, not to your face but close enough to leave razor burns.

It was my fault.

I'd wanted to be treated right, I was too stubborn to back down from a fight, I thought if I could make you see, you might see you were wrong and treat me better.

But it was my fault.

So I said I was sorry and while you took your time and space and left me, I tried to cry myself to sleep, but you stole sleep and I can't remember how to count sheep, so I sobbed all night with a shirt in my mouth in order to let my sister keep dreaming.

 

On Day 2 (Tuesday), I woke up with an empty pit in my stomach and realized he had my heart and my digestive system because everything I swallowed wouldn't go down.

I was living in a nightmare; this couldn't get worse. Then I checked online and saw him dragging my bleeding, bruised, broken body in a hearse. Please reimburse my vitals because I... can't... breathe. He needed time to grieve and space to replace me, in a day another girl became his baby and I was just another salivated toy he bought to destroy, stupid enough to trust another boy, and I'm crying because I'm "so innocent, it's adorable". But for you to act like that? It's more than deplorable.

You're a jerk.

 

On Day 3 (Wednesday), my ocean of tears dried up to a river or a creek. I was a monotonous-speaking, fitfully-sleeping, self-hate-keeping robotic ragdoll that wouldn't shut up.

It wasn't all my fault.

It could have been delayed but never avoided, the inevitable would have happened any moment. I wasn't pretty enough, too smart, too stubborn. Pretty, smart, stubborn.

He was a jerk.

 

On Day 4 (Thursday), I found out her name. Diana. Let me be the one to... start a fire in that seductive, deceitful part you call a vocal box. He shoved the beautiful in my face as if enough damage had not been done, wasn't it enough that he had won?

I fell down to a dark place. Nobody wanted me, I didn't deserve any better, I would never be anything but a naked fool, an abandoned case. In disgrace, I was wallowing, then I learned it was okay to ignore him. Cut the ties, draw the line, you are no longer anything in my book because any guy who acts like that doesn't deserve a second look. I may not deserve the best, but you don't deserve my tears. And if you're gonna disappear, then disappear. Don't text me, don't call me. There's no room for you here.

 

On Day 5 (Friday),... I had a great day.

 

On Day 6 (Saturday), I got my heart back. It looks like it's been through the six day war, blackened like it's never seen the light of day before, bloody hinges completely ripped off the splintering door... but it's here. My heart is here.

He never took anything from me that I can't get back. I didn't lose myself, lose myself in this cardiac attack. My smile will forever shine on because he did not take it, he dulled it, he tried to erase it, but I have the power within me to shine again. I never lost myself. I have the most important thing,  and that is myself. I have my wings because he could not take them with him, I have my wings because they are mine, only mine, and only ever will be my wings. I'm not going to stop sleeping over you, I'm not going to stop eating over you, I'm not going to stop dreaming over you because it is truly time... to be over you.



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