Sometimes I wish I could go back to times that were much simpler than these, where heartbreak didn't exist, where betrayal wasn't a concern of mine, nor was time any question of mine. I wish I could take all the rain and pain I feel today and place it in a bottle and send it away, keep me safe, keep my mind sain and keep my fears and tears at bay. Wishing times were better and sadness didn't exist, didn't want to know what it felt like when she left, didn't want to know what it felt like when she found someone better, better the me, better than anything that I could ever be. At times I wish I could take it all back and wish for you to never exist, exist in my life or anywhere near me or my existence. I wonder if I left would it change anything at all or would it all still stay the same, would the father who never cared start caring? Would the mother I wanted all my life start coming  around? Would my brothers and sisters still be alive and well if i left this place and found a sanctum of peace or would they all end it all and shed a thousand tears for the one they lost and the ones that never cared?

I miss those days like today and nights like tonight, that I wasn't wallowing in my own self pity, wanting to miss you but I'd rather not think of you or anything at all. I'm sorry to say this but you weren't missed while you were gone.. You were never here all along.