I realize why we call them that. They tend to crush you when they don’t know who you are or just don’t like you.

I have had crushes that were cruel when they found out. They never looked at me and always left me out of the conversation.

They would tell me that I wasn’t what they wanted. That I wasn’t what anyone wanted.

Then there where the others, who told me they were too focused on school and their hobbies to even think of a girlfriend. They’d say sorry and that they wish things were different. Hoping not to hurt my feelings. Those are the ones that make me smile and I can get over them and go back to being friends.

Of course, there are crushes that no one will ever know. The ones you know if they found out and said the wrong thing, your heart would break and ruin everything. Those crushes tend to hold a spot in your head and makes your heart flutter when you see them.

Hopefully if you have the right friends, they can help with getting over them.

You always tell your friends,

“I will never fall in love.”

“I don’t want kids or a family.”

And secretly say to yourself,

“I can’t fall in love.”

“They don’t need this, what if I fall again? What if I can’t hold myself up any longer?”

“They won’t like the scars on my body and in my mind.”

Sometimes, that’s not the case. I still get insecure when it comes to certain guys but I will always love myself.

I have my days and I sometimes wish I could have someone hold me and make me forget. But I wouldn’t put it on anyone. I am slowly loving myself and my body, and if I fall in love and they tear me down…

I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to stand back up. I’ve had to get back up several times but every time it gets harder and harder. I need someone who won’t knock me down and will be there to lean on when I need it.

But a girl can dream.