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I can't say I love you
I miss you so much. It hurts me to say I love u because I know that if I think that I won't stop thinking about you. And wishing things were different. Even though I of course do sometimes. And it's hard. It's hard being strong for so long. It's hard not hearing your voice or being able to talk to you. It's hard knowing I won't get a good morning beautiful in the mornings anymore from you. And I keep telling myself that it's OK. Becasuse I know it is. And because I know that in the end someone else will love me more than u ever did. But for now the pain is still there. I make sure to hide it deep down, but sometimes, even just the thought of you, or the sound of your name, brings it back to the surface. I miss u. I miss u a lot and I would be lying to say that I don't . I miss my best friend and I miss the one that I thought was my soulmate. I miss you, but I know that soon the memories will die, they've already faded. And soon i won't even have to hide the pain because there will no longer be any pain to hide. I want to say I love u. But I don't want to have to think about u anymore. Not tonight at least. So instead I'll say farewell and say "I."

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