I always wanted to have kids

A lot of kids

When I was little, twelve

Never six and six; seven and five

Now, seven, maybe

That's a more realistic number

Not five and two, please

Just three and four

I don't know

I always had children around me

And being that bigger person became a part of me

I knew I loved them and wanted my own

To teach and nurture and raise

To love

Then, somewhere along the way, my mind changed

I thought I would be an unfit mother

I thought I would teach them the wrong things

To hate men and that they should rot in...

I thought I couldn't be a good mom

So then I realized maybe I could do it

But there would never be a father in their lives

Because, of course, fathers were unnecessary and irrelevant

And I could never have a man hurting myself or my kids

Especially my kids

I decided to be a single mom one day

I could do it

Alone

I didn't need a man

(Except for the sperm, of course)

They didn't need a man

I could raise my kids alone

I would be Supermom

I would work two jobs, change diapers

Provide food and love and everything

My kids could ever want

Except- as all girls like me have already learned-

No Supermom can ever replace a daddy

I guess I just knew only hurt from men

I didn't want to be the mom that allows

Her kids to be hurt by a man

I didn't want my kids to feel the pain I did

Then I met a guy who changed my perspective

I met a guy who I would allow inside of my life

I met a guy who would never hurt me or my kids

(Not purposely, anyway)

I met a guy who made me want to give my kids

A father

Because I trust him to take care of us

I trust him with my kids

I found a way to let myself be happy

And to keep the promise I made to my future kids

It made my heart stop

When I asked him if he wanted kids

(Of course I meant one day, I mean, I'm only seventeen!)

And he said, "Yes, with you. Not now though."

It nearly made my heart split wide open

It makes my heart stop

Every time he tells me I'll be an awesome mom

Because my kids aren't even born yet and I'm

Looking out for who their dad will be

Because I'm not even married yet

And I'm worrying about my unborn kids

My heart is swollen with love for this man

This man I will entrust my kids to

He said he didn't want kids before me

I guess he loves me so much that he does now

He wants to father my kids... and I'm gonna let him

...

Dear Future Kids,

I promised every one of you that I would protect you. I promised I would never let a man hurt you in my home. I promised to never let your father treat you the way mine treated me. I promised to never break a promise.

Well, I found someone to be your father. Someone who would help me protect you. Someone who would never hurt or mistreat you. Someone who will never break his promises.

My future kids... Supermom found someone worthy to be your daddy.