'm sorry
I'm sorry I wasn't in your life
sooner
to help you
to love you
the way I love you now
I wish I could change that
I wish I could've met you sooner
because I needed you sooner too
but I'm happy
I'm happy with now
it's better than never
right?
if we would've never met
I don't know what would've happened for me
but I do know I wouldn't be as happy
and I know
I would've stayed with Cameron
until he broke my heart
because we all know that was coming
he was going to hurt me
but you saved me
I was on the road to death
at the hands of a boy
that didn't care about me
again
but you care
you promise things
that I've heard before
but they never lasted
but oh god I really hope your promises
last
because I love you
more than I have ever loved myself
and I know "I'm supposed to love myself
before I can love someone else"
but I disagree with that statement
I love you
without loving myself
I'm hoping one day I'll love myself
as much as I love you

you helped me
and you still help me
but I miss you
even though I know
you'll be back
I can't stop myself from missing you
when I don't talk to you

I've lost people too
you're not the only one
I've lost my grandma,
my cousin
I lost my dad
not in a physical way
but in
an emotional way
he used to be the best dad
I was daddy's little princess
but now he has an evil queen
who took my place in his life
he doesn't care anymore
he doesn't care that Robyn
is the reason I was suicidal for a summer
he knows that
but he doesn't care
he doesn't care that Robyn
is the reason I'm being so distant
the reason I'm always in my room
with music blasting
to block out the rest of the world
he only cares
when he's having a business dinner party
and he needs me to smile
and be "happy"
because it's good for business
well guess what dad
you ruined your daughters happiness
long ago
and you can't bring it back by saying
"smile, it helps"
mhmm sure
what if I can't f***ing smile without crying?
would you want that father
me, your "little princess"
crying at one of your dinner parties
probably not

my father is one of the only topics
in my life
that makes me so sad
that I can't stop crying
otherwise I try to be happy
you hear that father?
I TRY
it's just not enough for you I guess
anyway
Kyle,
thank you
for not leaving me
I love you
and I just want you to make my sadness
be like it never happened
but I won't expect that
only hope for it
because
people disappoint
I don't expect anything from anyone anymore
I just hope they care enough
but if they don't
I'm not surprised
because like i said before
people disappoint
it surprises me when people do care
and you do
and for that
I love you so much
Kyle, I love you
I want you to be my forever
I hope you want me to be yours too
you are my one and only
and I love you
no matter how many scars you may have
I won't mind them
who you are is the only "cover up" you need,
for me anyway
no makeup
no long sleeves
I only focus on who YOU are
not who you think your scars make you
I love you Kyle