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To the Boys I Never Loved
1. The title sounds mean, I know,
but it's not that I never loved you
so much as it is I never
got the chance to.
You see, I wanted to,
but in the time we knew each other
I couldn't get myself to plunge into that abyss.
Also, I wanted to get your attention
when I started this poem.
2. So I wrote you a poem
I don’t know what I was thinking
Maybe it was a little less intimate
Than a letter
And a little more personal
Than a Facebook message
Maybe I did it because
I thought I was a terrible poet
3. You’ll probably never see this,
this confession,
which is probably
another reason why I'm writing it.
Listen if you want.
I need to say this,
unclog this heaviness in my chest,
without opening my mouth.
I need an open door
to replace the one I closed in your face.
4. Dear old friend,
(I like to think of you as ‘friend’),
whatever it is you thought we were,
I’d like you to know I wanted,
more than the moon,
to see you every morning,
whether the sun was rising on the water
or taking the day off behind the clouds.
5. Your smile made me feel at home
in my foreign body.
For you, I wished to invent
a word more precise
than “friend,”
in front of which there could be no “just.”
If only I had said the words
that needed to be said
before I saw you that last time.
I wonder
what could have become of us.
Forgive me for missing our chances.
You may not believe me,
but I really do
wish you the best.
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