The pastor announces that those who have lost someone in the past year should join him at the front of the church to light a candle in memory of their beloved. As members of the congregation take their turns lighting their candle and saying the names of the people the have lost, I watch my family and feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. They observe with sympathy and compassion as I thank god that they don't have to light any candles. I imagine my family standing at the front of the church, speaking my name into the microphone and lighting a candle in remembrance of me. I cannot believe how selfish I was for even thinking about letting that happen. I do not want to be a candle of remembrance. I am so glad I am not. I am my own candle, beautiful and bright and alive.