I honestly hate being a teenager

I would rather submit to

Athiest beliefs

And rot in the ground instead of 

Reincarnate,

Going through puberty another time

With my goth, emo teen angst

That I hate everyone before they can

Hate me.

Before I do anything

My first thought is:

Does this get me a scholarship?

We say we live in the moment

But that moment is a

Blunt

Being passed around a circle in

Our mom's basement

Instead of volunteering at the 

Soup kitchen on a Saturday morning

And I would rather do the latter.

I use to not want to . . .

But I don't live in the moment.

I live for someone else.

My future self,

Who needs to be successful and

Wealthy and happy and get

Everything.

And that all depends on if I watch TV

For three hours

Or if I write my essay for AP European History.

And what if it's all for nothing?

That's the thought that keeps me up at night.

If all I do is in vain

And if a drunk driver will kill me while

I'm on myway back from studying at the library,

And I'm simply a character in

Someone else's story, surviving for

Their goals

Instead of being written for.

No. I am the protagonist.

This is not Game of Thrones where

My life means little but an ends

To a means.

This is the moment that I'm living in

That is for myself.

Present and future.

I am more than an SAT score,

And a college application,

And a victim.

I am more than an idea.