My thoughts
vault and fall like archways.
There was a shouting behind the thin skin of my eyes
A fine network of capillaries coursed with
anger and confusion.
Rizla and filter shook and would not obey
I dipped my head
And hoped that I would wake up.
I opened my eyes and still bright white
light, and noise flowed past me.
A beautiful unending stream of chatter that
(although all inclusive) I knew I now
could not be a part of.
Thursday night,
people ebbed and flowed from the group
bright bursts of pattern
i was at the outset.
Words would not form and tripped over my faltering tongue
My instincts
Turned to rough and raw and low and animal
Fight or flight
they urged
The only one to fight was myself
I craved safety, and warmth
Yellow light to suspend me
Instead of solace in a dull grey edge.
It was reluctant,
several tries before that hot red lifeforce
began to forgive.
My head and eyes rolled backwards
The hope that I had achieved something
greater or bigger
than the electricity and thoughts
that had burnt harsh pathways into my head.

I slept like a dead man
my thigh encompassed in cotton
just sleep