I take photos of other girls because I’m afraid of my own face. Instead, I like to capture their faces in my camera and hope they never feel my pain. They must believe I’m so confident telling them they are beautiful. They feel beautiful in the light of my camera.
They believe somehow, someway, there is magic involved. It must be something in the way I set the camera up, the way I see proxemics or just my camera itself because I always seem to make them feel beautiful. I snap their photos. I show them, and they gasp in wonder.
It must be magic, they claim. I look amazing! They shout. And the others are quick to agree complementing each other as they see each other on the tiny screen. I laugh along with them as they try goofy faces and bizarre poses in order to ‘trick’ my magic camera. But they still gasp when the photo reveals itself on the screen. There must be magic involved. It has to be the way I’m holding the camera in correlation to the sun’s gaze or the way I have them smile. It must be something in my camera. I tell them this.
My camera has this non- judging light and non- biased eye. It doesn’t capture imperfections or red eyes. Not any leftovers in teeth or red acme scars. My camera is not influenced by societal views. It just captures the moment.
I can pick out different light settings to show the glimmer of their eyes, the close up of skin and blushing cheek bones. I can pick out the scene and set their bodies so its curves they see and not their ‘fat’. I can do that… But that’s just a part of it.
They know my photos are different. They don’t know why so they claim it to be magic. They ignore their imperfections as they line up knowing I won’t see them. They smile.
I snap, and the moment is captured. They gasp over the photo, make me promise to post it, and I cringe knowing I was leaving their moment to be judged and the self- esteem to go back down. They move on from this. They won’t remember my photos.
I stay behind staring at the camera screen waiting and hoping they will understand.
I am not magic. The camera is not magic. What they are seeing is their own faces.