Dear young queer girl,
I see you.
You don't want anyone else to but I do.
I notice.
I see you run to the bathroom to hide your tears.
I see your long sleeves to hide your wrists.
You're ashamed, but you shouldn't be.
Easier said than done, right?
You see the wounds of depression aren't treated like the wounds of a veteran.
Scars on wrists shamed rather than respected.
That's the damn terrible thing, isn't it?
You're already depressed, drowning in a never ending river.
Holy water searing your lungs, burning through your stomach and shattering your spine.
Crippled.
Defeated.
Crawling along a road that never ends.
Hot molten lava in the tar that covers the road.
Scalding your worn feet.
Destroying the hope that used to shake in your hands.
Steady, smooth palms shuddering under the weight of the universe
A burden even Atlas couldn't bare
Trapped, locked in a closet that was never supposed to exist.
Love is love.
My predisposition to love was hard wired into me the minute I was born and yet I'm punished.
For what, being me?
Forced to hide within myself.
My hard shell crumpling, caving in on itself.
There's only so much weight I can carry.
Only so much hardship before my legs give out.
You see, when you're depressed, nothing matters.
It's worthless, you're worthless.
No words can heal, no gentle touches can sooth.
Your body forever racked with sobs
Yet no sound comes out
No one hears your wordless screams.
The darkness came like the rain,
Slowly and then all at once
What was once a drizzle quickly transitioning into a downpour.
Crimson red replacing crystalline blue tears.
Bloodshot eyes to match angry red wrists.
Blue, black bruises to match the shadows roaming in my heart.
Some wounds never heal.
A tragic travesty,
Yet you've learned to live with it.
You survive without trying,
Without having the will
It is what it is.
Changes innumerable yet none take effect
Someday it'll get better
A mantra pounded into your head
Strings tied to your limbs,
Holding you up
Moving you this way and that.
Taken over
And you can't find a reason to care
Your life was never yours to begin with.
And so our sad story ends,
Because when there's nothing left to say
There's just no other way
Life's hard
Grab a goddamn helmet.