Dear Eric,

You were right about the paint.
Umber does not look good on living room walls.
I would paint over it but my hands cannot stop shaking.
There is an earthquake inside my body.
I once did a report on earthquakes when I was in the fourth grade.
Earthquakes are caused by plate movement underneath the Earth’s surface.
The places where these plates meet are breaks in the Earth’s crust-
These places are called faults.
Oftentimes earthquakes happen when these plates along the faults move in different directions.
You live on Forty-second Street now
And I’m still living in Harlem.
I am lying in my pearl bathtub, rubbing my temples and hiccupping.
There is an empty bottle of gin to my left and a pack of cigarettes suffocating beneath my palm.
You promised me you wouldn’t go.
And when you left, the only explanation you had was that your nickname is summer.
You arrive when people pray for you to come but don’t expect you to;
And you leave before anybody’s ready to say goodbye.
Usually autumn comes after summer,
But it is far too cold for leaves to be changing colors.
From jade to gold to auburn to maroon;
It is far too cold.
The leaves are already dying.
Some are already dead.
And I’m wondering if there’s any parts left of me
That is still alive.
My heart is still beating
But my playlist of 80’s ballads have stopped screaming through the speakers
And the TV has been off all week
And the neighbors upstairs with a kangaroo for a kid have finally moved.
It is so quiet in my house, Eric.
You can hear a feather fall.
But I cannot hear my heart beating.
In fact, you have me wondering:
Is it even beating at all?

You were right about the paint.
Umber does not look good on living room walls.
You were right about my eyes, too.
Byzantium bags do not suit fawn orbs
But the paint refuses to leave my crumbling walls
And no matter how much I sleep, my eyes will always be swollen.
No matter how many times my mind has replayed the scene where you walk out my door,
I am hoping the tape will rewind
So it will look like you are walking back in.
Dear Eric,
There is an earthquake inside my body
And it has a magnitude of 7.4.