I live in a world with no color
The blacks and whites all mix into grey
Everything’s the same shade of nothing
Like an old photograph everything stays
Still
I don’t want to open my eyes
Because in the morning it’s a mess of harsh light
It holds my shoulders down and keeps me in bed
It kills the colors dancing in my head
It’s the color of my blanket
The way she paints her lips
And the stain she leaves on the coffee cup
Every time she takes a sip
It’s the flashing of the ambulances
Singing down the street
It’s the color I saw when I found her with a stranger in our bed
Then there’s the color of her eyes
The color of the torn jeans she wore on the couch
And the smell of rain before it poured
Not as dark as the pen she scratched on paper
More like a bruise on her pale skin
It was the vase my mother painted
It was the day I went to her funeral
And I didn’t want to see anymore colors
They hurt my eyes and gave me headaches
They are tasteless and loud
They’re watercolors streaming down her cheek
Too bright and meaningless
So now I go into the bathroom
Every night before bed
I take the pills that look like candy
And kill the colors in my head