Just so | Teen Ink

Just so MAG

July 9, 2013
By sophistryxo SILVER, St. Louis, Missouri
sophistryxo SILVER, St. Louis, Missouri
5 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There was nowhere to go but everywhere, so just keep on rolling under the stars.”
-Jack Kerouac

We cannot be Route One, which slithers
up the coast in an Atlantic
Romantic fashion.
We cannot be the coveted, ephemeral rose
We cannot be the scent of sea spray.
We cannot be a bittersweet chocolate.
We cannot be the song you heard
when it rained at night and the stars
shone through the clouds


We cannot.

You think I have forgotten:

The melody of our first dance
and the way you smelled when your
lips met mine.

A corner table in a coffee shop,
where our names are etched for

The words whispered, naked and bare,
when the light tricked me into seeing


Freshly cut grass.

A peppermint scone and espresso.

“I think I've fallen in love.”

with me?

It's kinda funny now.
Origami, almost a crane,
but a misfold and

We unfolded ourselves, peeled
each other off the paper,
set out to love what had become easy,
but only succeeded in ripping
what was already ruined.

We could never be Route One.

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This article has 11 comments.

on Aug. 3 2013 at 10:49 am
I_Love_To_Write BRONZE, New Delhi, Other
1 article 0 photos 11 comments
Keep going U r really good at this

midnightwoah said...
on Jul. 29 2013 at 5:43 pm
midnightwoah, Monett, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We accept the love we think we deserve." -Stephen Chbosky

Love your vocabulary by how vivid and suspenfull you made it. Using "coveted" pulled me in as I sense the illusion of my favorite Edgar Allen Poe poem "Annabel Lee." Keep writing and maybe you can be in the magazine soon. Wanna see my works? Check out "Was is My Interrogative" for a sarcastic song

on Jul. 28 2013 at 10:19 am
Labradorian PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
34 articles 0 photos 52 comments
I really enjoyed the flow of this poem, and as others have mantioned, the wonderful personification. I look forward to reading more of your work.

on Jul. 25 2013 at 11:04 am
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

The structure is unique and intriguing, making the reader want to continue and read more and you use this to the poems advantage. The language used is very clever and well used, it emphasises your point and makes the poem much more powerful.
However, a criticism is that the name is a little dull, a name is very important as it has to intrigue or excite the reader so they are curious to read it; if it was not for the editors choice I most likely would have kept scrolling. You can use a variety of different names, and with your use of vocabulary I'm sure you can come up with something interesting. Although simple can be effective, I feel that titles should reflect the piece as much as possible and due to the more complex type of peom you have written, a title like that would suit it perfectly.
The imagery is very good, and it compliments the metaphors even more, good job and keep it up :)

on Jul. 24 2013 at 8:15 pm
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

Very unique formate. I love the imagery it creates. Some parts could be better stated like the second stanza in part three. You're folding or changing yourself into something that's not you for the other person. Show that. Also I feel like there should be a word after garbage. I loved this poem though! It is so beautiful and raw and lovely. I can't resist to be anything but caught up in the failed romance. 

Mckay ELITE said...
on Jul. 22 2013 at 5:29 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

I'm actually jealous I didn't write this poem. This is phenomenal. You're super talented. Don't quit writing. Everything here is just what I want in my poems but sometimes can't come up with. You're definitely are new favorite of mine. Keep it up! 

Csquared GOLD said...
on Jul. 20 2013 at 11:24 pm
Csquared GOLD, Lexington, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 37 comments
You have some amazing vocab going on here. This really deserves an Editor's Choice! Wonderful!

on Jul. 20 2013 at 9:09 pm
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest

First, congrats! I have been here for a while, and never gotten that red checkmark. It's something special, let me tell you. Now, this is a beautiful poem. I couldn't help but read it over and over, the last time I read each part twice. The imagry is astounding, and you have some very unique metaphors. I can only postulate on what Route One could mean, but it was coupled with others, the spray, the rose, that help me make a guess. It feels like saying that the speaker and the one the speaker is with can't quite measure up to the perfection of the moment, that somehow, they didn't quite fit in with these symbols of love. I like how your poem is divided, too. It seems to move on from the doubt expressed in the first part, and give the reader an actual encounter with the speaker's other. (I never know how to refer to the boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/crush in feedback.) I loved the imagery here, smelling the coffee and the grass, wondering if its spring or summer. I couldn't help but read the last two lines of that part and smile. Was the reaction supprise, or the doubt expressed earlier? It got me, either way. But the last was just so very sad. It seems to me to be a bit ironic that the name of the poem is Just So, but then in the end, the whole affair is compared to misfolded origami, so close, but not just right. I couldn't decide weather there was some sort of superficiality to the speaker insisting that they fit 'just so', or if he is right. It always seems to me that the idea of 'complete' compatibility is impossible, that much of what makes two people compatible is their ability to overcome the stuggles and difficulties, to love what isn't and can never be perfect. But at the same time, I know that certain small wrinkles can be irriparible. It dosen't matter, though. Heartbreak always hurts, right or wrong. This was beautiful, start to finnish. 5/5 stars.

on Jul. 20 2013 at 3:02 pm
Davina Lee SILVER, Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania
5 articles 2 photos 1 comment
It's pretty obvious why this editor's choice: the imagery is so beautifully, quietly, and confidently presented, and it makes the reader work just hard enough to understand. Your poem is neither too cryptic nor cliche, but strikes a balance that works well to convey your meaning. Great job! This is gorgeous.

on Jul. 13 2013 at 4:40 pm
GraphicWriter DIAMOND, Yuba City, California
63 articles 10 photos 89 comments
Woah. Let me just say your use of personification is... just freaking awesome. I love how you used the Route One, and it's shape, and your words are just amazing. Your vocabulary is high and intricate which is also awesome. I love it. Sweetness.

on Jul. 11 2013 at 12:19 pm
Myvoice4change SILVER, Other, Other
9 articles 3 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

This is really good! I can see why it's under editor's choice!