Nightswimming | Teen Ink


June 7, 2013
By LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

As I walk through the city
our bucolic memories haunt me
and the street lights light up my shame.
Together we were idyllic
as we pirouetted into the lake.
The trickles of water were ornate
and copied the silhouette of our bodies.
The sound of the water was my soul
and the bitter cold was knowing this couldn't last.
Still I confessed my faith in you
and moonlight provided a spark in us.
We slow danced to the silence of the woods
under stars that looked like fireworks.
As clear as a photo on my dashboard
I see you and I nightswimming in September.
I'd like to go back to Georgia
and follow the path of memories,
but they'd be rouge and slip through my pale fingers.
An abyss of the disheartened
would be our picturesque lake.
So tonight I walk through the city
and the moon reflects a quiet night
where two complex beings went nightswimming.

The author's comments:
This was inspired by the beautiful song 'Nightswimming' by R.E.M.
This is my first non-rhyming poem.. I thought I'd step out of my comfort zone.

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This article has 19 comments.

on Sep. 5 2013 at 10:40 pm
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

This was so beautiful. And I'm not just saying beautiful because there's no other word, I'm saying beautiful because that's the only word that fits really. Every word, every line that you crafted is beautiful and that's all I can say for it. This is a VERY good poem for being your first non-rhyming. I didn't do even half as well. I am in love with your words.

on Jul. 28 2013 at 5:36 pm
nelehjr DIAMOND, Lingle, Wyoming
60 articles 11 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Nice job LexusMarie. I love the emotion in this peice.

on Jul. 15 2013 at 2:37 am
laceandcoffee PLATINUM, Rio Rancho, New Mexico
21 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We make up horrors to help us escape from the real ones."- Stephen King
"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry. I want danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."- Aldous Huxley

This is a beautiful poem and I love the tragic, dark, nastolgic feel to it.

on Jul. 6 2013 at 5:23 am
thatunknownthing DIAMOND, Dubai, Other
67 articles 0 photos 208 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift; that's why they call it the present"

Are you serious about this being your firm non-rhyming poem? This poem amazes me! The last line of 'two complex beings' and 'the sound of the water was my soul' and great, and I really enjoyed the poem as a whole. You've got talent! 

on Jun. 27 2013 at 7:16 pm
Myvoice4change SILVER, Other, Other
9 articles 3 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

Aww. You did a good job of using imagery, and being descriptive. I like how you describe it as a "path of memories." This is really good

on Jun. 25 2013 at 3:29 pm
Rolledthestone SILVER, Nowhere, Other
8 articles 0 photos 108 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." (Matthew 7:5) and "All the poeple who supported slavery were free, all the people who support abortion live..."

Well, everyone seems to have stollen my thoughts exactly so yes I'll have to be blatantly obvious and simplistic. THAT WAS AWESOME. And there you go.

on Jun. 22 2013 at 9:26 am
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

For your first non-rhyming poem, i think that you are doing pretty darn well. That was great! And sorry i took so long getting around to reading it :)) Anyway, the descriptions displayed in here are beautiful and i loved every second of it. :)) brilliant job. Keep rockin

on Jun. 19 2013 at 10:26 pm
estucker1998 PLATINUM, Tuscaloosa, Alabama
20 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
The voracious ambition of humans is never sated by dreams coming true, because of the thought that everything may be done better and again. --John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.

First non-rhyming poem, you say? Well, you. Nailed. It. Fantastic! The imagery was brilliant and beautiful. Word choice-perfect. It also hints at a deeper story, the wanting to go back home but not being able to. I loved that. It was deep, yet not deep at the same time. A perfect blend. Great work-as always! Keep writing! 

Hanban12 ELITE said...
on Jun. 19 2013 at 12:30 pm
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 631 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."
John Green

Wow, its gorgeous! Really captivating and filled with imagery that plays in the reader's mind like a movie. Its outstanding and I'd absolutely love to read more like this! I love the  memories you shared and it really warms the heart. 5/5 stars!

on Jun. 18 2013 at 8:10 am
starbucksandbrighteyes GOLD, Rockville, Maryland
15 articles 6 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you.
~Marsha Norman

This poem is absolutely stunning. I love the vivid imagery, your vocabulary, the ending, just about everything! Beautiful.

on Jun. 16 2013 at 6:00 pm
SoulPoetry PLATINUM, Sierra Madre, California
29 articles 4 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I will work harder" (animal farm boxer the horse)

ok this poem is amazing!|| Language- spot-on and superb Images- Crystal clear and beautiful Tone- extremely emotional :) This poem is just so so wonderful and it also feels like a song. :) great job!

on Jun. 15 2013 at 1:23 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Wow, that was really good; your language was superb, and it flowed so nicely. The language and the breaking of the lines caused it to be read so softly and sweetly and it just made its self even more emotional.
The only suggestion I would make is to use a little more punctuation, especially when dropping the lines.
Very good, I hope to see more work like this (no pressure) :)

on Jun. 12 2013 at 11:15 pm
PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
14 articles 0 photos 178 comments
Your vocabulary is so spectacularily advanced that I'm in love with it. With that said, the imagery was prestine as well. My only suggestion is to work with more punctuation because that can bring more emotion into the piece. Please keep writing :)

on Jun. 12 2013 at 11:13 pm
kikixkupkake GOLD, San Marcos, California
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The things that walk out when we open our minds." -Dylan McCoy

Okay, first I read the poem. The more I read it, the more I loved it. Each line, even though it doesn't contain much, prevails so many emotions and thoughts that you feel as if you could be the cause of the darkness and sadness. This poem is so raw and beautiful. I absolutely adore this. Next, I looked to SR your note about this poem, and what do I see? NIGHTSWIMMING BY REM!! This automatically makes me love this poem 10x more. Oh my goodness, I cannot stop rereading the lines, "We slow danced to the silence of the woods," and, "I'd like to go back to Georgia and follow the paths of memories, but they'd be rouge and slip through my pale fingers." That's so beautiful. You inspire me so much, I love the imagery and word choice. One of the best free verse I've ever read!

Mckay ELITE said...
on Jun. 12 2013 at 4:24 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

This is darker from your normal self. I enjoy it. I like that you stepped out from your comfort zone. I think you did an excellent job. And that you should continue being experimental. I love experimenting. 

on Jun. 12 2013 at 2:39 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

This is so pretty! So  bittersweet and beautiful and tragic all at the same time. I'm absolutely in love with it :) Good job!

on Jun. 12 2013 at 9:29 am
Wings10FeetTall GOLD, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
17 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
May your words be sharp.
- Christopher Paolini

Nobody's going to wait for you, so do it now.
-Ingrid Michaelson

Broken hearts heal, but never the same.
- Jessica Romo

Idiots rely on luck.
-Sherlock Holmes

Great job, Lexus!

on Jun. 12 2013 at 9:00 am
WrenArrington, Sioux Falls, South Dakota
0 articles 0 photos 74 comments
I don't know exactly why I liked this, but somehow it just seemed to work. I can definitely say I liked your word choice (that tends to be the deciding factor whenever I'm reading anything). The one thing I felt could be improved was the way punctuation interfered with the flow. It seemed like it was too structured, like regular writing rather than poetry. Maybe you could just take off punctuation on the ends, or combine sentences to avoid the choppiness that can often result from too many complete stops. Still, great work :)

on Jun. 12 2013 at 12:25 am
ZeroDarkFlirty BRONZE, Eastvale, California
3 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The strength of the pack is the wolf
And the strength of the wolf is the pack."
-Rudyard Kipling

Can I have a Kleenex? Actually, more like a whole box? That was amazing! I don't think I've cried this badly reading anything in a while, so congrats! (I guess?) I'd say the poem works just fine without a rhyme scheme (although I use rhyme schemes almost religiously) and the vocabulary and emotion are outstanding. Another 5-star work!