I'd Give You Anything | Teen Ink

I'd Give You Anything

February 17, 2013
By wordtea GOLD, Delhi, Other
wordtea GOLD, Delhi, Other
14 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
'All men shall die.'- A Clash of Kings
'We accept the love we think we deserve.'- The Perks of Being a Wallflower
'Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.'- The Book Thief


I could see him standing at my door,
Oh dear! I had dreamt of him before.
I ran to the door and shut it down,
I didn't see it but I felt him frown.
‘It’s your mommy’s turn’, he said to me.
‘Open the door and give her to me.’
‘Go play with your mommy, please don’t take mine.’
‘Open the door! I don’t have a lot of time!’
‘Don’t you have a heart?’ I said to him.
Something told me he had a whim.
‘Oh no, I don’t have it.’ He told me plainly.
‘And that’s what prevents me from seeing things clearly.’
Give me your heart, my dear child.
I sensed his tone becoming greedy and wild.
‘No, it will hurt, it will hurt a lot.’
I said my mouth dry and my brain with a clot.
Foolish girl, a little pain she can’t bear.
Her heart may go, but her mommy I was going to spare.
My heart took a giant leap, my eyes filled with tears of joy.
Mommy was going to live! I couldn't help but rejoice.
Take my heart, you nasty devil! For I don’t need it anymore.
I looked at mommy, I was confused, but I opened the door.
He raised his hand, smiled maliciously, and ripped my heart
out of my chest.
‘See, that was easy.’ He sounded as if it was a jest.
It hurt like hell, was unbearable.
Of course, I was just one more than five!
But it really meant nothing to me, if mommy could stay alive.


The author's comments:
This is a completely fictional poem about a six-year girl, whose mother is on the verge of dying, how she saves her, and her first encounter with death. Might sound crazy and non-professional. This is dedicated to my mom who I really love.

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This article has 6 comments.


Beila BRONZE said...
on Aug. 4 2015 at 9:33 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

I really like the story and the way you've chosen to tell it. The dialogue is well written and captivating. However, there are a few places where you mess with the number of syllables per line or use ill-fitting synonyms in place of the words you really wanted to use in order to conserve rhyme, and the overall effect is really that you break the easy flow and rhythm of the poem. It ends up only working against you. Rather than forcing your words into a pre-determined structure, try to find a structure that fits your words as they are naturally. Free verse is also poetry when done well. :) Good job conveying your sentiment, though, and good luck with future writing!

on Aug. 2 2015 at 8:39 pm
NymeriaWaters PLATINUM, Holland, Michigan
20 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We are all Worms, but I do believe I'm a glow worm"- Winston Churchill

I really enjoyed this pieces story, and the rhymes are very clever. It was really fun to read, and you are very talented. My only suggestion would be to make the lines structures more similarly, which would make it much more clean. However, this is still a great piece.

wordtea GOLD said...
on Apr. 3 2013 at 4:57 am
wordtea GOLD, Delhi, Other
14 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
'All men shall die.'- A Clash of Kings
'We accept the love we think we deserve.'- The Perks of Being a Wallflower
'Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.'- The Book Thief

Thanks a lot!! You'll definitely meet the poet!!

PRiyall.! said...
on Mar. 5 2013 at 1:20 am
WOW ! I TOTALLLYYY LOVE IT .! 
"AWESOMMEE." .!  ANTICIPATED TO MEET THE POET. ! <3   

wordtea GOLD said...
on Feb. 28 2013 at 10:15 pm
wordtea GOLD, Delhi, Other
14 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
'All men shall die.'- A Clash of Kings
'We accept the love we think we deserve.'- The Perks of Being a Wallflower
'Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.'- The Book Thief

Thank you so much. That really means a lot to me. :)

on Feb. 22 2013 at 6:26 am
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM, Delhi, Other
25 articles 2 photos 147 comments
You don't have to be 'professional everytime you write something, you get to break the rules, when you write. And you what? I LOVE it!