It is dark and damp
Shoulder to shoulder we are cramped.
When it rains we live in mud
And are soaked in sweat and blood.
When the weather turns cold
And the wind begins to blow,
The blood freezes and fails to flow

When the enemy begins attrition
I’m tempted to leave with out permission
There’s a 1 in a million chance
I’ll actually live perchance
Those all around me are being blown to bits
But the enemy won’t care to spare
Even a tiny strand of my hair

At night we repair our trenches
We pile corpses as walls and fences
Who cares if they were former friends?
Just so that’s not how my life ends.
Our comrades will protect us
Just as they had risked their life for us before
Now there is no excuse to stop the chore.

We have fat, furry, company
And to our meals the rats accompany
The males we call Romeo and the females Juliet
And when we can, we run them through with a bayonet
It’s the soldier’s sport we never win
Spontaneous Generation
That’s the only solution

The food rations are plentiful
The plum pudding is bountiful
But I hate it with a passion
It’s totally out of Fashion
Where are the Leeks, and the melons?
The garlic and onions of Rome?
I’d do anything to go back home.

Oh, we never complain
We’re good polite and sane
Just never dare to cross us
And we won’t make a fuss
If you think we’re a rowdy bunch
That’s because war life is hard
And we must always be on our guard

The only reason we killed them
Was an unreasonable whim
Of the General who said,
“All British must be dead
Kill them before the sun goes down
You’ve got no choice
You’ve got no voice!”

And so I had no choice
And I had no voice
I machine gunned them down
And now their blood runs in rivers
We give no mercy we accept no mercy
We’re brutal and wild
We’re an animal’s child

When comes the day when I’m done?
When I’m done serving the awful Hun?
If I live this war
I’ll fly and soar
And never come back again
I’ll be glad when that amazing day
Arrives and mayhap I’ll go to Kaiser Wilhelm II and say
“You awful Germans are hunnish indeed!”