It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you,
But even now your smile is warm and vivid
In my mind’s eye whenever I close mine.
I remember the first time I told you I loved you…
You parted those beautiful lips for my favorite smile,
And said you loved me too, and I knew that you meant it.
I relive that moment in my heart often.
You’re the only thing that’s kept me grounded until now.
You’ll never know how much you’ve meant to me.
During my service I’ve seen
things,things that have changed me.
If I returned to you tomorrow you wouldn’t recognize me.
You might not even like me, God knows I dislike myself.
Do or die does bad things to a man, muddies his soul.
I won’t tell you the things I’ve seen or experienced,
I wouldn’t wish those thoughts on anyone.
A person can only take so much before they break,
And I am a broken man.
So this will be my last letter to you.
I hope it finds you well and busy.
I won’t be returning home after all.
I can’t let myself be a burden to you
Or to anyone else, and that’s what I am, even to myself.
I can’t sleep. I don’t eat… I can’t remember
The last time I felt okay, felt like there was any hope…
I’m going to end this before I do something I regret.
Soon I’ll have the peace I’ve been waiting for.
Please, never doubt my love for you.
Don’t grieve for me.
Know that I spent my last moments loving you,
And knowing that I am loved, even if that’s not enough.
You deserve so much more than I’ve ever been able to give you.
I hope you have it all someday, with someone who can make you happy.
Oh, how I love you… never forget.




Yours until the end,








Joseph x