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Actions in Life

July 7, 2012
By LongLazyDays55 BRONZE, Other, Other
More by this author
LongLazyDays55 BRONZE, Other, Other
3 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
I haven&#039;t failed. I just haven&#039;t found 10,000 ways that won&#039;t work. [Thomas Edison]<br /> <br /> When words fail, music speaks.

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The Actions in Life

You cry 
You watch 
You learn 
You talk 

Pretty soon you'll be able to walk. 

You smile 
You wave
You run
You save 

You're growing up too fast. 

You listen 
You feel 
You shout 
You squeal 

You've had your first kiss. 

You mature 
You move away 
You travel 
You earn 

We'll see you again someday. 

You come back 
You meet 
You marry 
You greet 

Our first grandchild comes into the world. 

You grow old 
You reminisce 
You tell stories of long ago 
You miss 

All those memories. 
All those actions. 
The pathway of life before us
What a great gift. 

© Nicole B., Newcastle, WA

The author's comments:
Just observing general actions that happen to most of us in our lives. This poem shows the journey of growing up.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 8 comments.

LongLazyDays55 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 24 2012 at 11:37 am
LongLazyDays55 BRONZE, Other, Other
3 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
I haven&#039;t failed. I just haven&#039;t found 10,000 ways that won&#039;t work. [Thomas Edison]<br /> <br /> When words fail, music speaks.

View profile
Thanks for your comment. Thanks for the advice too! I know I didn't do it 'correctly' but I just made it up on the spot. I've looked at your work. Very good! Keep writing!
Eirias SILVER said...
on Jul. 23 2012 at 8:28 pm
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 70 comments

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&quot;If you wish to be a writer, write&quot; -Epictetus

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This is pretty good. . . It is kinda a play-it-safe poem. There has very few flaws, but there is also very little that can be done to improve it; it has hit it's roof. I would like to see some punctuation on those multi-line stanzas (You cry/you watch. . .) Strictly speaking, in academic poetry, there is no pause at the end of lines unless there is punctuation. You intended the spaces to act like punctuation and give it pause, but really, poetry is supposed to be read straight through enjambed lines. So the first paragraph would really sound like:

 

You cry You watch You learn You talk

 

Which is really messy. I would put ellipses or dashes or something. Good job though!

Would you look at some of my stuff, especially my poem in the forums under "Any Advice?" Thanks!

LongLazyDays55 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 17 2012 at 12:00 pm
LongLazyDays55 BRONZE, Other, Other
3 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
I haven&#039;t failed. I just haven&#039;t found 10,000 ways that won&#039;t work. [Thomas Edison]<br /> <br /> When words fail, music speaks.

View profile
Thank you so much! I thought your poems are amazing as well! Your all amazing! YAY! :D
LongLazyDays55 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 17 2012 at 11:58 am
LongLazyDays55 BRONZE, Other, Other
3 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
I haven&#039;t failed. I just haven&#039;t found 10,000 ways that won&#039;t work. [Thomas Edison]<br /> <br /> When words fail, music speaks.

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Thanks hippiechick99! I'm glad you liked the poem! I'll read some of your poems! :D Thanks again! :)
albinotiger GOLD said...
on Jul. 17 2012 at 9:34 am
albinotiger GOLD, Gloucester, Massachusetts
13 articles 0 photos 186 comments

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WOW im speachless!! so true and so simple!! U r truley amazing!
hippiechick99 GOLD said...
on Jul. 17 2012 at 9:30 am
hippiechick99 GOLD, Mesquite, Texas
11 articles 0 photos 224 comments

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&quot;... How dreary to be somebody-- How public like a frog;<br /> To tell one&#039;s name; the livelong June-- To an admiring bog&quot;<br /> -Emily Dickinson

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I think this is a really great poem... It's so true in many ways and even though I'm young, I understand this... Sometimes I feel like I'm growing up too fast, and I'm sure lots of kids feel the same. I loved this, keep writing :))))
LongLazyDays55 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 17 2012 at 3:16 am
LongLazyDays55 BRONZE, Other, Other
3 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
I haven&#039;t failed. I just haven&#039;t found 10,000 ways that won&#039;t work. [Thomas Edison]<br /> <br /> When words fail, music speaks.

View profile
Thank you so much! :) I will have a look at some of your work! Thanks again! :D
polar-icecap DIAMOND said...
on Jul. 16 2012 at 3:58 pm
polar-icecap DIAMOND, Sioux Falls, South Dakota
57 articles 20 photos 14 comments

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I love this poem. It is seriously one of the best I've heard! It's sad, but that's just how life is. And that last stanza... A great end to a great poem. I look forward to seeing more of your work!