Yes! If you rewrite it, I would love to see it. I agree that you might not need consitant meter, but an awareness of it definately helps . . . a lot of times before I paid attention to meter, I didn't like a piece but couldn't figure out why. Now, I can usually attribute it to awkward meter (this even helped me on my prose, too). And by the way, I love giving a piece intense editing. A lot of people give a piece a one-time read, and then decide that was enough; perfectionist that I am, I like to keep rereading until it's perfect (or as near as the author is going to get).

And no, you haven't affended me . . . I just thought it was funny that you thought I was formal, because I was asking for so much help beacuse I usually (at that point in time) was NOT formal. I have those inspiriational moments too, but I haven't been getting them as often. That's another way the meter helps; it can often help get you started, and once you are in the middle of a piece, all sorts of inspiration happens. For me, practicing meter is kinda like doing musical scales or practicing chess tactics (sorry I couldn't give you a tennis analogy, I don't know that much about sports . . . perhaps it is like dribbling the ball?).

My best advice for this piece (about what I said about inspiration as you start writing: pretty much all I was going to say was "sure, I'd love to read this again"--the rest I've just thought of after the fact) is to write it with some form of meter deliberately in mind (actually, write in 3 times--in iambs, trochees, and dactyls) and then mess up the meter on purpose, stealing the best parts from each of the different versions.

I did something like that once, and it really worked out. I wrote a poem about math, and then I rewrote certain stanzas, keeping the subject, but not looking at the previous example. So I had different rhyming words, but that helped me see a lot of what I liked about each version, and what I didn't like.

And about my writing: I'm glad that you think so, but I don't. I do have flashes of inspiration that turn up halfway decent pieces, but what I really do is edit. I take my junk piece and fix it up into what you see and seem to enjoy. That's why I really like to see other writing that starts off so much better, so I can help polish it up into something truly majestic. Thanks again, and I'd be happy to look at anything else in-depth if you'd like (but more than likely, I won't be so nice. This really was such an exceptional idea for me to give the praise I did. I also judged for the school magazine last year, so it doesn't bother me to reject anything and not apologize anymore.)

I'm definitely going to attempt to rewrite this poem. I agree that - I don't know about meter- but the flow is definitely weak and choppy in some places! If i rewrite this today (or sometime soon) can i ask you to reread it for me? :) And thank you, I'm glad you like the purpose of the poem!

P.S. - I hope I never offended you before by saying that you write "formally". I think your style is brilliant and unique to most on Teenink which is important! I think what i mean to say is that I can never sit down and say, "I'm going to write poetry now." When I get inspiration, I just sort of throw it on paper and hope it comes out sounding okay/good., before my inspiration goes away. I think in the future I could get my thoughts on paper fast, and then rework it so that it has better meter, etc., like you are saying! Anyway, you're a great writer, and thanks for the critique!

Like Bill, I unfortunately had to leave the site because of those same glitches. I switched to GoogleChrome, and it works fine now. So, my apologies for absence. Now, about the piece:

Wow. I love this concept. The execution, not so much, but more about that later. This idea . . . that letting go lets other experience the joy . . . I have no words.

You once told me that you don't write "formally" like I do. There are so many misconceptions to that statement! "Relative Perspectives" was actually my first attempt at standard meter (ironically, my latest in the forums is standard metrically as well . . . ), but that's not really "formal" at all. In fact, that's what poetry really is. The idea is that placing boundaries is what truly sets one free. At least try it--structuring your poem will definately help your intuitive flow. (The best book I've ever read on poetry is The Ode Less Travelled by Stephen Fry. I strongly encourage you to read it; you will grow so much). The point is that I thought this would start of with a set meter, and then it didn't. Forget "formality" or whatever--this would be vasty improved by having a consistant rythm.

I won't give you hard suggestions to change the words and phrases (unless of course you ask me too), but I strongly encourage you to think abou it. The heart of this piece is so strong, I just wish it was as pretty on the outside as it is inside (which isn't to say you don't use amazing imagery and powerful word choice but I just really want to see this at its full potential). 

And one small thing: don't use "say" on line 7. Use a different word--it can easily be miscontrued, and you used it again (differently) on the next line.

Best Wishes! And I do think this is the best I've seen from you yet.