I can hear the back and forth pacing of judgmental footsteps.
Some stop and enter rooms stamped confidential others keep pacing.
I can hear the silent whispers of ever girl’s story
Until I can hear a pair of those judgmental feet
Walking closer to my freezing cold dull colored room
With only a bed covered with white paper and a little seat.
My heart stops for the few minutes the door knob turns
And in walks my worst nightmare
Dressed in her judgmental heels her white trench coat and her side kick my medical file.
I swallow hard as she walks to her little stool with her sidekick.
The opening of manila folder burns my ears
And my vomit begins boiling n my stomach working its way up.
The turning of white and black paper sends my body into a frenzy
And I can't control the seizure like shake my body presents.
My bottom lip dislocates from my top.
My teeth clank as if they were applauding
My hands cry tears and my body shakes.
She looks up at me glances me over before going back to consult with her sidekick.
Then finally the questions pour.
How many are there? Were you safe? Have you ever heard of birth control?
Her questions are like bullets each one to the heart.
I open my mouth to answer but she just keeps on throwing bullets.
When I finally was able to answer
She looked at me over the rim of her glasses
With every word I spoke she tapped her judgmental feet.
Then my spine straighten
My words stopped slurring and went in the direction they were meant to.
And I told my story of every man I laid under whether I wanted to or not.
The tears my v***** n I shed.
The bruises that went undetected.
The laughs and ridicule that was given to me on a silver platter.
The uniforms that vow to protect but never came to my rescue.
I looked at her square in the eye never losing eye contact
And I told her every detail of my story
And I watched as the expression written all over her face never changed.
When I spoke the words The End
She wasted no time saying Mrs. My name is discreet you have HIV.
She spoke hard and emotionless as if I brought this death sentence on myself.
The words did circles around my head.
She never spoke another word so I buried my head between my thighs
And I watched as my worst nightmare and her judgmental feet walk to the door.
My heart stopped for the few seconds to turn the knob
And I listen to her judgmental feet walk down the hall.