The Window to the Right | Teen Ink

The Window to the Right

July 31, 2010
By sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.


Maybe I should have held you a little closer
that callous winter’s night.
When sun poured in and out the window to my right.
Earth was laden with whirls of placid snow.
Luminescent stars poured through the infinite black sky.
I breathed in that smell.
But it wasn’t smokiness in the air.
It was the aroma
of hope.
The essence of someone who cared.
Past tense?

The glass shatters
and people pull down the shade
but I look at you and try to see the person
that loves
everyone.
Present tense.
You’re in there somewhere
In shards of glass to my right.

Beads of rain pour down the window
as tears down our cheeks.
But the real you isn’t afraid
to take trepidation’s fingers when they grab you
and grab them back with your faith.
You’ll tell the storm about the resonant hope
dwelling deep down
in a bittersweet awakening.
Future tense.

The awakening will come
as soft as whispers of the heart.
But it’s strong enough
To calm the industrious winds.
The Whisper
Will tell the rumbles of thunder to stop bellowing through your soul.
Peace will be instilled
like a dove
Penetrating desolate clouds.
I’m praying.
Hoping.
Waiting.
Helping.

He’ll drive until the road is lost
I’ll sit in the passenger’s seat.
Once I needed your compassion
But now mine is part of your ransom.
It’s funny
how things change like that.
In a split second
Like a bolt of bellicose lightning
Streaking through a stormy sky
Destroying lives.
Repairing Lives.
It’s up to you to decide which.

You’ll come running home
And I’ll forgive you
Like no wrong had ever been done.
And there is a man in white somewhere
That I think is watching both of us
And soon He’ll call you home with His open arms.
But until the glass is repaired
By love
And the shutter lifted
By courage
I’ll wonder
If maybe I should have held you a little closer
That callous winter’s night.
Because it was the last time I saw light pouring out
The window to the right.



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This article has 40 comments.


on Nov. 14 2010 at 7:23 am
SMWells PLATINUM, Carlisle, South Carolina
22 articles 0 photos 294 comments

Favorite Quote:
Some truths best left unspoken.

Beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I nearly cride.

on Nov. 14 2010 at 1:11 am
Drizzle29 SILVER, Norwalk, Connecticut
6 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

usually, im turned off by long poems, but i figured i owed you. and gosh darn, i am SO glad i read this! it really got to me. your diction was purely phenomenal. this poem was..... i dont really have words to describe it! the only thing that might need a little consideration is sometimes you broke the lines in odd spots, so it seemed a little awkward to me. but thats it! keep writing :)

archon GOLD said...
on Sep. 26 2010 at 1:32 pm
archon GOLD, Mandeville, Louisiana
10 articles 0 photos 39 comments

i really really love this, i totally felt what you were trying to get at and you did a great job of making that clear

the choice of words couldn't have been better the way you arranged them puts emphasis on all the right things :D

keep up the good work!

 


on Sep. 25 2010 at 4:04 pm
BooBooBunny BRONZE, Burnesville, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A man's a success if he wakes up and goes to bed-and in between does what he wants to do."- Bob Dylan

Dang girl! You're talented. I wish I could write poetry-I just genuinely CANNOT. I really enjoyed this! Great work! 

on Sep. 23 2010 at 2:46 pm
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

thanks, and of course!

on Sep. 22 2010 at 11:32 pm
Aristine BRONZE, Coppell, Texas
1 article 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy. - Scott F. Fitzgerald

Ahh. It's wonderful to find a poem of this length on TeenInk that doesn't ramble or drag on. Your imagery and phrasing is lovely. I can see the scenes vividly in my mind- they're just great descriptions. They create such a gentle mood. I adore the way you begin and end in the same way- I'm a sucker for repetition and symmetry. The opening line actually hooked me. My only suggestion would be to put the past, present, and future tense in parentheses. Nicely done. :)

I would love it if you could comment on my poem.


on Sep. 19 2010 at 1:00 pm
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

thank you!

on Sep. 19 2010 at 8:11 am
EnglishGirl BRONZE, Sopot, Other
4 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I will tell you,as I have told many of them,right man will come in the end", Jane Austen, "Life is your party, so enjoy!", "It's worse doing nothing, than doing bad thing", "Life is the thing that happens to you while you're planning something else"

I'm praying.

Hoping. 

Waiting.

Helping.

 

Fabulous!


on Sep. 13 2010 at 7:23 pm
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

haha i like that part too:)

on Sep. 13 2010 at 5:15 pm
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball GOLD, Douds, Iowa
15 articles 9 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hello Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o," -friends
"Stop saying that!! My name ain't Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o!!" -Me
"Okay, fine, Hello Cat."-friends
(GRRRRR)
----Also----
"You a turtle on steroids!"-friends
"Hahaha, I know" -ME

LOve it!!! my favorite part was;

 

"But it’s strong enough
To calm the industrious winds.
The Whisper
Will tell the rumbles of thunder to stop bellowing through your soul."

 

good job!


on Sep. 10 2010 at 8:05 pm
Darkness95 SILVER, McFarland, California
6 articles 6 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Carpe Diem. Seize the day!"

I really like your poem and I felt that you really wrote it form the heart. I think that your transitions, past, present, and future tenses are a really good way to state how you felt at those diffrent stages. Overall I liked it though xD

on Aug. 30 2010 at 2:46 pm
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

I have to write a memoir about this for school. Would anyone be interested in me posting it on Teen Ink or would it be best if I just left the poem?

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 29 2010 at 2:54 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 606 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

haha Whatever you want to do! :)

on Aug. 29 2010 at 2:52 pm
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

yeah, i know i needed a synonym for cold and callous sounded best. I didn't learn until the day after i submitted it to teenink that it meant cold figuratively. Now that I think about it though, the night was callous because it had me thinking everything was okay but in a split second the person was taken away, so i guess it's sort of an irony thing. but yeah, another word probably would have been more effective.

Thing1 said...
on Aug. 29 2010 at 2:37 pm
Thing1, Fayetteville, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
'If there is a book you really want to read that hasn't been written, then you must write it' ~ Toni Morrison
' Stupid is as stupid does' ~ Forrest Gump

Let me tell you this, gracegirl29, 

You.Are.Extremely.Talented!


AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 29 2010 at 1:58 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 606 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

The good:  I loved this!  It really was spoken between hearts, strait from yours to the reader's.  Amazing work!

The bad:  I'm not sure if callous is the right word - it seems a little harsh for all the nice things you go on to say about the night.  I may be wrong though. :)

The random:  You are awesome!  Keep writing!

~AsIAm


on Aug. 29 2010 at 7:17 am
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

Thanks! The person i wrote it for just went of to college and i gave it to them right before they left and i really hope they took it to heart:) Thanks for your comment!

on Aug. 28 2010 at 9:31 pm
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 430 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

It's a lovely piece of writing. :) I thought when you said past tense, present tense, and future tense in the poem, it wasn't as smooth flowly as the rest of the poem, so maybe try figuring out a way to make it flow better when you add those parts. But the person you wrote this for would have loved reading this poem. Even if it is long, it's DEFINITELY worth reading. :)

on Aug. 26 2010 at 7:23 pm
Thesilentraven PLATINUM, Mableton, Georgia
40 articles 2 photos 1632 comments

Favorite Quote:
"il piu nell' uno," (according to Emerson, an Italian expression for beauty)

"Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality" ~Emily Dickinson

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain"
~Kahlil Gibran

It's true, this is a very long poem. But it's important to note that it's entirely worth reading. You write very beautifully, and I'm always touched to hear of times like this when people care so much about each other. Thanks for this.

on Aug. 26 2010 at 3:49 pm
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

i know that this is long/detailed but i really care about the person i wrote this for and i had a lot to say to them and this was the best way i knew how.