agonizing over each word that i type
checking and rechecking a thesaurus
to make sure i get it right
the perfectionist in me surfaces once again
if i make a mistake it's
one more thing for her to ammend

let's pretend
you and I
that she doesn't exist
that she doesn't fruitlessly attempt
to smooth out dents in metal
with her fist
that she can shake off memories
of past failures without a cringe
without a tear
without a frown
over every clumsy trip
over every guilty binge

the make-believe never lasts
and we are forced to accept
the truth of the matter
that she's fallen off the ladder
and cried
that she's tumbled down the steps
and was mortified
that she's shoved her foot in her mouth
that she's smacked herself in the head
that she blushes beet red
over every faux pas incident
over every sentence said
that she can never seem to get over
get up and move on
without replaying the drama in her mind
that she makes a mountain out of a mole hill
all the time
that from what she witnesses through others' eyes
oh how she does despise
herself