I keep on walking in the wind, the dust blowing in my eyes and I swear I can hear him call my name.
His sweet, soft and gentle voice flowing into my ears and telling me as calm as anything, that it will be ok.
He tells me that I will be ok, that there is life at the end of the tunnel and that he loves me, that he deeply missing me.
But then….

He disappears…

And I am alone.

I smile as the cold nips at my skin, knowing that he is there, even if it is truly only my imagination. He tells me, each morning, to smile and enjoy myself “you only get one life!” he says, so I get on, hoping that each and every move that I make will lead me back to him.

I close my eyes and dream, making up perfect endings, wishing that it could be true, that if only…….if only I could push a button, and be with him.

I wonder if life could get more complex, the tangle of feelings I have gotten myself into tends to suffocate logic and common sense, and yet…….and yet it doesn’t seem to bother me, because …… this is all happening for a reason, a reason I don’t yet understand.

Right?

I cannot help but question whether or not I am wasting my time, whether all those tears were wasted in lifeless vain, but is anything completely in vain? Isn’t there always a reason even if it is unknown? I wince and return back to earth…… intrigued by my own uncertainty.

I ponder on his perfection, and relive every single moment with him… and every time it feels just as fresh as yesterday and every time I have to be reminded that, unfortunately, it’s not…….

His smile, his accent, his eyes, his talent…. It all never fails to please me, pushing me through every emotion possible, keeping me sane and somehow…. In some small corner of my brain……advancing me towards insanity.

So I cannot help but feel wonderful, I am still enjoying a blessing 4,672 miles away, even though it’s difficult and painful…..He is

Indeed,

A blessing.