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The Moon and the Girl

October 29, 2009
By FortuitousA SILVER, Cortez, Colorado
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FortuitousA SILVER, Cortez, Colorado
5 articles 5 photos 5 comments
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There is a little girl
on a boat to nowhere
She sails the long nights
and disappears during the day
The little girl
sings a lovely song
"When the day
goes to sleep
the moon takes
it's place
When the Sun
goes to sleep
I come out to play
With my dear
friend, the Moon,
we'll go to bed
not soon, not soon
but stay up
and play all
night but not
day."

© Tabitha M., Kannapolis, NC

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This article has 2 comments.

FortuitousA SILVER said...
on Nov. 23 2009 at 12:00 am
FortuitousA SILVER, Cortez, Colorado
5 articles 5 photos 5 comments
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Thank you for all your feedback. It's nice to have other people's opinions because they can be very beneficial to you. I'll take your advice into consideration. :]
Inkspired PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 22 2009 at 4:58 pm
Inkspired PLATINUM, Whitby, Other
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Favorite Quote:
&quot;If one will scoff at the study of language, how, save in terms of language, will one scoff?&quot; - Mario Pei<br /> &quot;I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn&#039;t, I would die.&quot; Isaac Asimov

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This is really original, I love the girl's song, and the beginning, but I think it ends rather abruptly. Perhaps you could add a little more to the end? Otherwise, it's beautiful!