Heart racing.
Beating out of my chest.
Shortness of breath.
Tears shed from eyes.
Fidgeting of hands.
“What do I do?”
That feeling takes over me.
“I have to do something.”
I send you a message.
No reply.
“Oh my God. It’s happening.”
So many tears I start to cry.
Alone in my room I dial your number.
Straight to voicemail.
“No this can’t be it.”
I try to distract myself.
Nothing works.
Four more times I dial your number.
Straight to voicemail.
I get in the shower.
Trying to shake this feeling.
I can’t stop crying.
My legs feel weak beneath me.
I cower on the floor.
As water hits my bare back.
Praying.
Praying not to have my heart broken
Praying to get saved from myself.
Crying on the floor of the shower.
I stand to face the water.
Allowing it to wash over my tear-stained face.
Heart Pounding.
Tears Streaming.
Once out of the shower I get dressed.
Facing the mirror.
I see a weak girl.
“No wonder he’s leaving me.”
Eyes swollen and red.
Face twisted into sorrow.
I lay down.
Checking my phone.
No calls.
No messages.
“maybe if I go to sleep it won’t happen.”
I cry myself into dreams.
Only to wake up into a nightmare.
Slept at 11p.m.
Woke at 4a.m.
Checking my phone.
Missed Call Alert.
12:11a.m.
Text Messages Received-3
At 12:20a.m.
“..I don’t want to end this, but a break for now. I do love you..”
Sitting in a fetal position I cry.
30 Minutes pass.
Sleep has been decided.
“It hurts so bad.”
5:40a.m.-First Alarm Sounds.
6:00a.m. Second Alarm Annoyance.
I get up.
Unworthy.
Helpless.
Heart-shattered.
Heart-broken.
I read the messages again, hoping I read them wrong.
Tears fall from my eyes.
“I have to stop crying.”
I stop.
I wash my face.
I go about my morning routine.
Clothes, Food, Etc.
Fine up until makeup.
I take one glance in the mirror.
I don’t recognize my own face.
Face Red.
Eyes empty with sadness.
“He broke my heart.”
I put my makeup down and cry.
6:49a.m.Bus
I take sunglasses/
Board bus.
Stare out of the window.
“Just yesterday he was my heart.”
I start to cry.
My friend gets on.
Notices.
I put the sunglasses on.
“You’re beautiful.”
I cried walking down the halls.
I cried sitting at the table.
Heart Pounding.
Eyes Empty.
Face Twisted into Sorrow.
I cry.