Erase

The feelings boil under my skin.
I want to let them out,
Like the clouds releasing the rain outside,
But I don’t want to look…
W-w-weak.
I want to let them out.
The liquid apples are churning in my belly.
I want to drain it.
I wish I could just lay here.
Until the world stops underneath my weight.
That would be nice.
My chest is moving up and down heavily.
My eyes are slowly blinking of their own accord.
I want to slice open the tear ducts in my eyes,
Until I sob a mixture of saltwater and blood.
I don’t mean to be vile.
I just want to stop feeling this way.
My heart is made of metal and weighs a ton.
I just want to stop feeling this way.
My lungs are slinking back and forth back and forth back and forth….
I just want to stop feeling this way.
I want to block out the sounds leaking into my head.
I just want to stop feeling this way.
I want to crazily cut through the strands of my hair.
I just want to stop feeling this way.
I want to swallow a bomb.
I don’t mean to be vile.
I just want to stop feeling this way.
I just want to sink.
Down down down.
Until there’s no more me to be known.
I want to decompose with the leaves.
And erase my body into the mud.
The only things that will be left behind are the things that weighed me down.
The symbol at my wrist.
And the machine at my side.
They, themselves, the leftovers will shine.
The sun will smile.
The moon will pout.
The angels will stroke their harps.
The world will turn.
Oblivious to my need to be erased.
I don’t want to go on like this.
I don’t mean to be vile.
I just want to stop feeling this way.
Everything will be alright.