“Try Hard.”

“Teacher’s Pet.”

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“It’s only a B.”

“Who cares.”

They do not understand.

The hours of effort.

The tears every night.

I am a straight A student.

I will not accept any other letter.

I do not know what started

the constant need for perfection.

Always stressing about the grade.

Never caring about actually learning,

as long as I got an A.

Academic validation

controls the way I see myself.

I have always been “the smart one.”

If I get a B,

will I start to be “dumb?”

My parents always push me,

but they do not really care.

As long as I do my best, they will be proud.

I, however, cannot handle

not having an A next to every class.

School was never really

that challenging to me.

But when it does start to seem hard,

I panic and wonder

if I am good enough.

Everyone says,

“Who cares about the grade?”

But they do not see

the tension

that builds up inside.

Being a straight A student

it what I am known for.

If I do not keep that

reputation,

who am I?