I can’t look at you 

I’m ashamed

That you saw me lash out.

I’m taking the blame.

I don’t know why you’re so angry

Why can’t you understand

That the words I spoke and the tears I cried

Was only so that you would be proud.

You asked me what’s wrong

I couldn’t talk quietly

When I started yelling

You became closed off to me.

There we sat 

Tears rolling down my face

And you asked me why I was crying

And said that you couldn’t relate.

I told you why I cried

You wouldn’t understand

You didn’t even try to listen

You only said that I was wrong.

Maybe I was wrong to yell

But I’d had enough

Now here I go again

Closed off, locking everything up.

Why can’t you understand?

I did it all for love.

I thought you would be proud of me―

But look. You said you had enough.

I was only trying to do the right thing. 

I was trying to help you.

But now―never again.

I see now that I can’t be true.

I bared my heart to you that night

You listened, but your heart was closed off.

You thought I was being overdramatic

And didn’t give credibility to what I thought.

It was my fault, you said. 

I agreed

If only to spare myself the shame

Of tears and whining and hurt feelings.

I hate that what I did

Was a burden to you

I hate that you didn’t see that

I was only trying to help.

I did it all for love.

Why didn’t you realize?

When the tears started to flow

You just… closed your eyes,

To my hurt and pain and hope.

God, I was so stupid

To ever try to make you proud.

Never again, I swear,

Will I ever try something so dumb again.

You said that I could be angry

If I truly felt that I was right.

And here I am, still thinking about it days

Afterward. So am I right?

I never wanted a pity gift.

I wanted you to understand.

I needed you to be there.

You wrote me off and told me that

I was sick, I wasn’t thinking straight.

What if I was?

What if I was trying to make you proud?

What if you never really gave me a chance?

What if I still lie awake thinking about it?

What if I shed thousands of tears over it? 

What if I did it all for love?