One day I dropped my mom’s antique vase

but i didn’t mean to…my hands were sweaty!

It happened so quickly I couldn’t process it.

I tried to put it back together!

With super glue!

But I couldn’t find all find the broken pieces

some are still missing.

It worked! but you can still see all the tiny cracks where it hit the ground 

and the blank spaces where the pieces went missing

20 years ago that happened to me…

the vase is my mind

the cracks and the superglue 

are me trying to repair what has been broken

I was a happy little boy

I grew up and went to parties,

had a TON of friends,

a loving family,

a nice home,

my own car,

and an amazing girlfriend

Then I turned 18

Graduated high school

Got drafted

I didn’t know what I was getting myself into

All the bodies

All the loss

All the guilt

I remember the first man I killed

“twenty years later, I’m left with faceless responsibility and faceless grief.” 

Always on the look out for an enemy

I was never safe

I’m home now… 

I jump at sudden movements 

I listen more than I speak

I came home cracked

superglue can only do so much to repair a broken vase