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The Silence
Whenever you unwillingly said goodbye
Silence greeted me at the door.
or did it?
because when i checked your pulse and felt no beat against my pale yet shaken hand
the world had stopped
rushes of emotion flooded my adolescent mind
had the grief begun?
silence.
when i sat with you in room 203 in a leather seating all for hours on end watching you suffer
watching you worry
watching you look up at me for reassurance
I started aching too.
Is that when the grieving started?
I don’t think so.
Maybe for you as my reader grief met you in a hospital room and if it had im sorry.
But for me final memories were cherished.
final memories had been made.
I’m not sure when the grief hit me.
Maybe it was when you first had gotten sick,
Maybe it was when I told the family surrounding the two of us that you were indeed laying lifeless in your bed?
I'm not sure.
what i do know is that
I wouldn’t trade a single moment I had spent by your side, holding your hand, feeding you… trimming your nails, your hair, loving you.
what i do know is that
it gets better, but grief will never say goodbye.
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Hello, my name is Peyton. I am a sixteen year old junior, attending high school in a small town in Illinois. The poem I have attached titled, The Silence, is one of my more "raw" poems. I formed this poem laying in bed at ten o clock at night, on my iPhone. This poem is directed toward the overwhelming yet sudden feeling of losing my grandfather. Growing up, and even unto the day he died, he had been my best friend. A few years ago, he had gotten sick. Diagnoses were all over the place. I include the line, "..Maybe it was when I told the family surrounding the two of us that you were indeed laying lifeless in your bed?" This part supports the heartache of devastation that I discovered and had felt during the night he died. I sat with my grandfather every day for hours on end. Even after everyone left the hospital, I refused to leave. Therefore, I started to realize and understand his breathing habits quite well. Sitting with him on October 17, 2023, I noticed that evening that his breath was slowing much more than it had been earlier that day. I told my parents, and I grabbed an oximeter. I held his cold but sweaty hand and checked his stats/measures. In just a few short minutes his heart rate had went from the 60's to the 40's. Eventually, it just wouldn't pick up. My sister had realized what was happening but it barely crossed my mind. I tried all I could to get it to work. Eventually, looking at him I couldn't see his chest moving no longer. So, I checked his pulse with my hand. This is when lines, "because when i checked your pulse and felt no beat against my pale yet shaken hand the world had stopped.." comes into play. At this very moment, I had realized my grandfather was with God. I realized he was not breathing. I told my family, fighting back tears, that he was gone.
In the little over a month of time that has passed without him, he sends me signs that he is with Jesus and all is well. This provides such comfort to me and my family during this hard time.
* Also attached is an image of a cardinal! The St. Louis Cardinals were my grandpa's favorite team ever. He was constantly representing them! I call him now , "my little cardinal in the sky".