It was warm, almost too warm but just the right warmth. Like a mother lovingly holding onto her child. Like a circle of protection that you could just feel, there… but not at the same time. The sun shining brightly through the blinds, lighting up the living room like a perfect scene in a movie. The realness of it made me forget everything. Quietness. Everything could be heard. But yet… silence is all you heard. 

“Your mother and I are getting a divorce” 

 wait… what 

No……

That can’t be right 

No…..

We were the perfect family 

No….

We were the role models for everything 

No…

We can’t break apart 

No.. 

We HAVE to stay a family 

No.

May 1st 2021 

Why… 

Why… 

Dad…? Where are you? 

Why did you do it…? 

Why did you leave? 

Why… 

Did you always not care

Why did you always look upset when you were the one causing harm

Why did you have to use drugs that your friends gave you 

Why did you have to be so brazen 

Why did you hit us  for no reason

Why did you always believe your friends  or act like them 

Why did you never care for your family 

Why did you never want to be proud of me … 

Dad?

November 3rd 2023 

I have written you three letters since you’ve left. 

Never once did I receive a response, never once was I given an explanation.  

I never nagged you to like you nagged me.  

You always told me to speak my truth, and when I did, you never liked it.  

You’ve dragged mummy through the dirt. 

You’ve left everything to her to fix. 

And now… now you want to come back? 

To what? 

Be a father that you never were? 

To have access to whatever you want again? 

To prove to your friends that you are the

perfect 

Loving 

Caring 

Respectable 

Father 

you claimed to be? 

It’s been three years father 

I can’t even say that I refer to you as that anymore 

I can’t call you my father 

I refuse 

You had many times and chances to fix our relationship

You could have…

But you never did 

You never tried too 

All you were worried about was your image 

All you care for was your race car and racing friends 

All you cared about was your eldest child  

Who was perfect no matter what 

Who quite frankly doesn’t want to talk to you either 

All you wanted was the perfect image 

The perfect smiles 

The perfect wife 

The perfect child 

You had it 

But you abused it 

You broke it 

You hurt it 

You rather trade it to sleep with some random chick at your job 

You rather trade it to now go play father for some random fifth grader 

You never cared for the people who got you where you are now 

You never cared for others health 

You never tried to fix what was wrong of you 

You never tried to help to raise me  ever

You never tried to help mummy 

Father …

It’s been three long years 

Three long years without you here

Three long years without speaking to you 

All I ever hear about you is crazy things 

All I hear about is your new girlfriends 

All I hear about is how you don’t have enough money for something 

All I ever get told is that my home is broken 

All I ever get is taunted because of you 

All I ever get is hurt because of you 

Missing you 

Was my worst mistake  

Caring for you 

Was my worst mistake 

Believing you would change 

Was my worst mistake 

Here written out are the things you will never hear though 

The things you never cared to listen to 

The girl who you broke 

The daughter of whom you’ve left 

The wife that loved you of whom you’ve hurt 

Here lies the truth about how I as your daughter feel  about her own father

Here is the truth that everyone oh so wanted 

Here is everything 

Written out 

By One 

Hurt 

Daughter 

Who Doesn’t 

Even 

Call

For 

Her 

Father 

Anymore  

Father... 

I don't need you anymore