I’ve got a playlist

To explain how I feel 

I use music

I don’t know how else to express in any other way

Exactly what I’m feeling

I’ll give you some examples

How I tell you I feel things

What Was I Made For 

“When did it end?

All the enjoyment,

I’m sad again,

don’t tell my boyfriend,

it’s not what he’s made for...

What was I made for?”

I don't know what I’m supposed to do anymore

I used to be so happy

But then what happened?

I don’t know how to be happy

And I don’t want to burden anyone,

I’m not their responsibility,

What am I supposed to do now?

Mad At You 

“Cause I think that it’s time I walk away

Before you start calling my name

Cause when you start begging me to stay..

It’s gonna be hard as hell

And, baby, you know me well

No matter what you do

I can never be mad at you

And you only love yourself

For me, there’s no one else

No matter what you do

I can never be mad, mad, mad at you”

I know I need to leave

Before you manipulate me

Cause you know I can’t say no to you

When it ends, it’s gonna SUCK

And you know me better than anyone

You know how to manipulate me

So I can't stay mad at you

But you’re so self-obsessed

I only love you no matter what,

No matter what you do

I can never be mad at you.

Die From A Broken Heart

“How does he sleep at night?

Mama, the nerve of this guy

To leave me so easy

Am I gonna be alright?

I wanna kick myself

For falling so hard

Mama, can you die 

From a broken heart?”

He hurt me so bad

How is he okay with all of what he did to me?

How could he leave?

This is breaking me and I don’t know if I will be okay.

I can’t believe I was so stupid

For believing his lies.

Mama, can you die

From a broken heart?

This Is Me Trying

“They told me all of my cages were mental

So I got wasted like all my potential

And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad

I have a lot of regrets about that

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

Fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here

Pouring out my heart to a stranger

But I didn’t pour the whiskey

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying”

Everyone thinks they know my struggles better than me

So I’ll choose an unhealthy way to cope and throw myself away

And I have a hard time controlling my anger

And there's lots of words that have spewed out of anger that I wish I could take back

I was so ahead of myself that I tripped over my own ego

Then I lost myself, left her behind

Now I overshare with people I don’t even know

But I didn’t cut.

So I hope you really know 

That this is me trying.

Got it right

“I used to wake up, walk to school, wonderin’ where my life was headed

I know my dreams coming ‘cause I’m willin’ and I’m ready

Breakin’ in houses for the skrilla, I still regret it

Built this up from the ground, I protect so I’ma protect it”

I used to not know anything about myself, my life, or my future

But I knew I was ready and willing to do anything to get to where I wanted

Stole money for a temporary fix, I wish I would’ve done it differently

But I’m changed and I’m different so I have to protect my new self.

Basically what I’m saying is when I don’t have the words

Who does?

Billie

Noah

Gallant

Maddie

Tae

Taylor

Rod

Maybe no one else cares

But the people who are truly my muse

Everybody knows

But they have no clue that I’m even on the planet.

Is that a little destructive to my mind?

Possibly.

Are they going to continue to be my muse?

Yes, 100%, they will.

Why?

Because even if they don’t know me,

They make me feel like I’m not alone.

They are the ones who get me through the day

They are the ones who push me to do better.

What have I gone through that’s so bad I had to feel that way?

I’m mentally ill. Undiagnosed. Struggling. In the dark.

No matter how toxic the relationship is, I will always forgive him.

He broke my heart because I lost myself again and I don’t know where I went.

I’m trying so hard not to relapse or end everything, THIS IS ME TRYING.

I was lost, I was depressed, I was destroyed. But I picked myself back up and I’ll protect that.

At all costs. 

Music is my love.

No one could do for me what music does,

No one could have a stronger emotional impact. 

No one could measure up to music.

Music is my life. 

When I don’t have the words to put on paper,

I’ve got a playlist.

When I don’t have the mental capacity to deal,

I’ve got a playlist.

When I don’t feel like I can do it anymore,

I’ve got a playlist.

When I think about running away, disappearing,

I’ve got a playlist.  

For just about anything, 

I’ve got a playlist.

So music will always top you. 

Because I’ve always got a playlist.