Depths unseen

beyond first glance,

what lies inside,

is the essence

of what truly matters,

where people should be focused.

Beyond the 6 foot 2 

beastly creature,

the monstrous looks,

the ferocious impression

lies a man 

with a soft, kind heart.

A man who was cursed,

a man who no longer looks

like a man, 

but a man, nonetheless.

People judged and gossiped

amongst themselves

behind his back,

and to his face

making him self-conscious, 

and doubt himself. 

2 and a half years ago

I first walked 

the steps,

of what I thought would be

a remarkable,

high school experience.

Me, the 5 foot 4,

not so fit freshman

already anxious, 

becoming more petrified.

Walking down the hallway,

feeling eyes 

plastered on me

scanning me from head to toe. 

Changing for PE, 

in the locker room

hearing soft giggles,

and whispers 

“Oh my god,

Look at her.”

Ordering food for lunch

while girls said to me

“You’re going to finish that”

“That’s a big lunch.”

Suddenly, being aware

of how I was perceived

sitting in class,

scrolling through Instagram,

while looking at other girls,

seated around me

feeling out of place

in my own body

looking in the mirror 

10,20 times a day 

“I hate how I look”

“I wish I could be different.”

And then,

gradually leading to

forcing myself,

to change

fewer calories

feelings of hunger 

low energy, 

and fatigue.

Day by day, 

losing weight 

feeling relieved, 

I may just fit in.

Until I was too skinny,

underweight

all that mattered was the looks

not who I was.

People judged and gossiped

amongst themselves

behind my back

and to my face

making me self-conscious 

and doubt myself.

I used to hear,

it’s not what’s on, the outside

the inside,

defines you 

but just like, 

that beastly creature

I was misinterpreted,

and my true essence was lost 

deep below,

under the surface