The worst mistake I ever made was believing my mother when 

She would apologize for this pain

 in my heart

 in my face

 in my chest

 and claim that “it would never happen again”

 Always pinky promises.

I believed her because I was six years old

 and I did not know better

 but as the promises were broken

 over

 and over

and over

and

 I forgave

 and forgave

and forgave

and 

then I grew up.

And suddenly, at sixteen

I was deep in conversation with my mother and

she asked me 

“why I was unable to trust these boys”

they were

gorgeous and 

kind and 

seemed to have good intentions.

“Where did I go wrong with you?”

she would ask. 

I shook my head and 

looked away and

bit my tongue from reminding her of all of her broken 

gorgeous and 

kind and 

good-intentioned pinky promises.