buzz, ding

I glare  at my phone flashing a new notification.

A boy.

It’s thrilling,

to seem wanted, desired by someone.

It's like an addiction,

but they always end up revealing the truth in one way or another.

They don't want me,

they don't want my time,

they don't want my love…

They only crave my body

I'm told that's the only thing I have going for my future.

My body will only be utilized to reproduce 

it's the only thing they truly hunger for,

and when its not given it's taken

whatever innocence once sparked life in my eyes was torn away from me.

The messages turn from warm letters of love to abusive language

they manipulate the way I think, 

they throw the word love around like a bomb itching to explode

leading you on to win the ultimate prize.

and I take it and accept my fate, to amuse them

But wait, don't leave!

I cake on more makeup as I am never beautiful enough

Stop, I will give you more!

I sign away my life to a man who will never believe i'm good enough

Please give me a chance!

I beg him to stay when all he does is leave me in pieces

but that’s what it’s supposed to be like for me

I'm ashamed of my face, and that's what men thirst for

Insecure 

Small

Weak

Men are superior

These problems are not for little girls

yet I was only 16 when I was pressured into something I never wanted

declared it was out of love not pain

manipulated into believing it was my choice…

I felt like a perpetual victim

no was never an option,

no to me was a red light,

but to him it was yellow

which he thought he could force to be green,

but really–I was still seeing red.

I try pleading for help.

I’m told I shouldn't be trying to create difficulties,

I’m told to cover up as it’s misleading,

I’m told it's my vice.

Oh a World Without Men,

What a wonderful place that would be.