16 years of my life washed away,
A single second and all my dreams come crumbling down
There are no more seconds to give
No more pushes for that finish line
Because it is all over,
Because here is the finish line
Because I have already crossed the finish line.

That little girl who would dream has now died
Those dreams never came to pass and time has run out
There is no last day to train
Or one last competition
The competition ended and so did my life
So did my identity
So did my understanding
So did my childhood
Everything has ended and I don’t know what to do.

I thought this was the easy part- after it all
It's the hardest.
At least before it was just a typical meet day,
At least during it, I was able to reminiscent and talk and pretend it away
But now I have no outlet, no one to talk to, no way to pretend
My reality came crashing down and I am standing in the rubble looking for something

The shattered pieces of my heart reflect my image back
And I don’t know who this person is.
She isn’t me or who I want to be or who I should be,
Yet here she is picking up the pieces and rearranging them
Changing the balance I have kept all these years
Refiguring my shape and changing it
That's it. Changing.
She is changing me and my foundation
Putting together pieces that normally don’t go- destroying the semi-balance of humanity I have
Just do what? Change? Grow?
I don’t need to change, I don’t need to grow, I need to stay where I am and wait for this nightmare to end.

This can’t be the end,
I don’t want it to end.
I don’t want this pain and struggle and unknown.
I want my life back.
I want what I have had for 16 years, but I guess that is not allowed.
I guess I am going to have to deal with this ending.
I guess change will come eventually and I have never liked the change
Just as I will never like the end.