I.
I'm sitting on the couch staring at the wall
I don't really want to do anything at all
I've got words burning in my stomach
but I don't really want to talk to anyone
because there's nobody to talk to this time
and everything always comes back
to that one stupid phrase

what happens in this house stays in this house

what happens in this house stays in this house

what happens in this house stays in this house

II.
It's not that I think anything that happens in this house
doesn't happen in every other house.
I'm not abused and I'm not special
I don't need your pity or your help
My parents are good loving people
My siblings are good loving people
Everyone's a good loving person
except maybe myself.
I think im rotten, completely.

III.
I want to leave out the back
I want to put on my brooks
a pair of shorts
and my godzilla t-shirt
I want to run until I can't feel my legs,
until I don't recognize the trees or the streets
I want to drive forever on some backroad
til it ends, then take a left.
I think I want to go until I run out of gas.

I'm running away
don't know where
just say you'll come with me
I'm running away
not today, but someday
that's what I always say
its always someday
                                    someday
                                                        someday
but someday soon, I promise.
I will have a car and a dead-end job
and I'll earn a license and money
and then skip town
and I'll be gone for good.
go to New York or
some nowhere in South Carolina
or some bigshot on the coast of California
there aren't too many days left until someday
I don't know how many more I can take

IV.
what happens in this house stays in this house,
right?
and that includes me
that always includes me
because no matter where I go,
I'll always stay in this house
because the water won't taste right
unless it tastes like the water in this house
unless it tastes like the anger that slices through my throat
because if I don't act on the anger,
then I'm weak.
but if I do then
I'm just like everyone I swore I'd never be like

V.
you said I was the golden child
you said I was the problem child
which one is it
you said if you ever saw my face again, you would kill me
you said that I'm the best thing that ever happened to you
which one is it
you said that I never measure up to what im supposed to be
you said that im the best at whatever I do
which one is it

VI.
I'm sorry for this god complex
I'm sorry for this ego problem
I'm sorry I still can't believe in myself
I'm sorry sometimes I don't believe you
when you say i love you
cause I've been raised to believe
I'm better than everyone else
but never good enough
and I'm sorry
if I make you think that you're not enough,
because you're amazing
and you're more than enough
and I love you so f*cking much
and it's not gonna be enough
because someday I will cave
because I never stay okay long enough
to see the end of forever
because this head of mine is sick
and its been like that for a
                                              long
                                    long
                          long
                long
time

and when you leave
I'll go back to being just another someone.
I'll lose my name because
it only sounds good when you say it
I'll lose my age cause 15 belongs to you
I'll lose my address because
all it'll mean is that you used to walk me home.
and I'll go back to the boneyard
for those people who haven't died
and now have nothing to die for
while they live
and when you leave I'll have to deal with
not holding your hand
and I'll have to deal with
other people getting to hold your hand
and I will drink my tea and god will eat my heart
like a pomegranate in front of me,
and I will cut a tomato
and pretend I am not being sliced apart

because at some point you leave, right?
at some point, you have to leave
because I want a happy ending
and my happy ending is you
and happy endings are from fairytales
because at some point you will leave
because you can't save me
and im fifteen and not enough for
my p a r e n t s
so why would I be enough for you