my childhood has a murderous appetite
it holds a gun up to my head
and pulls the
             

                    trigger (i see red)
it demands i bring back the dead
the dead that haunt my dreams
ghosts that float in the mirror
when i turn to see myself
i never recognize my face
my childhood runs through my dreams at night
i'm done with nostalgia for
a time when i wasn't happy
my childhood is burned inside my head
my childhood weighs me down like lead
how can my mom still call me
a happy child when
this is the first time
since i was seven
that i don't wish i were dead
everything has changed and
there are ghosts who share my name but
i'm starting to recognize my face
and feel at home in my body
i am more myself than i've ever been before
(this is what i was always fighting for)
don't look me in my eyes
and say you don't recognize me
don't you say i've killed myself
because i'm finally in good health
my childhood has a murderous appetite
but i'll let you in on a secret
so does a girl
who
finally
wants
          to
                  SURVIVE