My under eyes were hollowed and my skin was a shade of ash.

Dare I put my hair up and show the skin of a girl who only wanted to crawl out of it

And dare I let him graze my cheek, believing the “You’re beautiful” that leaked from his mouth.

You couldn’t possibly find beauty in the flesh I suffocate in.

The flesh of one who has been stung and stained

By too many words it shouldn’t have heard

And too many hands that shouldn’t have touched.

There was nothing beautiful about the baggage I’d kept clutched.

I held my breath letting him run his fingers up my prickled legs

And giggled so he couldn’t feel my timidness.

Because the only thing worse than how I saw myself 

Was him seeing it too.

So I’d cradle my hands between my thighs

And smile at the floor,

Never meeting his eyes

So I’d never have to hear more lies.