I am not a girl who regularly prays anymore
My knees don’t bend on creaky tuffets in church
I am learning and growing and changing
My confessions no longer linger in the air like a ghost
But god,
I miss feeling shielded from my nightmares
I miss the comfort of my happy childhood and the regularity of my days
I miss feeling like, no matter what, I would be safe
But I do not miss the hate
I do not miss the gossip and the narrow mindedness
I do not miss my savior complex
Or the girl who was so quick to judge
The girl who preferred perfection over peace
The girl who formed opinions based on recycled lies
But sometimes I still feel guilty for nailing the casket shut
The echo still rings in my ears
And although the beliefs I once carried with me proudly are now buried under the hummus of ground
I am haunted by the ghost of the girl I knew so well
The chill of her presence follows me everywhere.