The End of It All

New York, New York, 1996 16:59

Elizabeth:

It’s a hole

A dark one

Its small and scarce

But it’s definitely still there

And so is anxiety

It’s the cousin of the bruises and the scars

And the hidden pain

The cousin of the end

A gun to my head

I don’t know what to do

Do I pull the trigger?

Do I not?

What happens when I’m gone?

When there’s just an empty seat in class,

And an empty room at home?

What happens then?

Will they notice?

Will they care?

Will they shake their heads in disapproval;

Like they normally do?

Will they throw away my things?

What will they do?

Will they cry?

Will they shake with disbelief?

No.

They will laugh

They will make fun

They will let the rain fall on my grave

If I even get one

How could they not see it?

The anxiety and the depression

They didn’t ask how I was

Or how I felt

They never cared

They never will

I’ll die in silence

The dark hole will,

No, has,

 consumed me

It has destroyed me

I am a pile of ashes in the mind

Put together with the world’s 

stress and anxiety

Why?

Isn’t there somewhere I belong?

Isn’t there some place I can feel

Important?

Does it matter?

It doesn’t seem like anyone else would care

But I do

Boom

I drop

I’m dead

It’s hot

Where am I?

I see a bus

The kids are laughing

Am I at school?

Why does my back hurt?

Is that blood coming from my back?

Or is it just from the bruises

The hidden scars of him

My World, Gone

Greenport, New York, 1996 18:15

Mary:

Another dreading day

Another dreading phone call

When I answer,

It’s panic

I know from when I 

Start to pick up the phone

I get tense

It’s 911

Why are they calling me?

Elizabeth

She's been shot

Why?

By whom would my daughter

Be shot?

And why?

She was a good kid,

All A’s

Popular

Rich

What else could I have given her?

She had so much,

She was..

Shot?

Was it jealousy?

Did she have any enemies?

Was it..

Herself?

She was always in her room..

But they said it wasn’t possible

Then who was it?

And why?

Everyone loved her

Why would they shoot her?

How could they?

Wait, wasn't Billy there?

He is her father,

Shouldn’t he have protected her?

What has happened to my poor baby?

By this time we’ve discussed and

I’m almost home

They said her father called

As soon as he got home

He told them he got home early 

To celebrate her party

But what if he wasn’t?

Did he even bring home a cake?

I’m home now

There’s no proof of a birthday

Not here

There’s no cake

No balloons

Only bullets

What if it’s him who did it?

I hear sirens, but I don’t see him

Or hear him

Where is Billy?

“Billy!”

I shout out his name

Over

And over

And over

There is no response

It was him

He did it

It was Billy