I.
Yesterday I ached and
visited the graveyard of my heart
Yesterday I went grave robbing
searching for someone
to make me forget you
My hands were covered in dirt
and blood
I think it was my own but
it might have been yours

II.
Today I cried and
sang songs about heartbreak
I wore my father's jacket
and pretended it was the same
as a hug
Today I missed my brother
and sat in his chair
in his room and pretended
he was there with me like before
Today I messaged you
too many times in a row and
tried to remember how to be friends with people other than
you

III.
Tomorrow I will pick apples
and make the apple crisp
I wanted to teach you to make
I will run a 5k in
my new spikes and I will not even
want to tell you my time
I will go to a bonfire with my cousin
and we will laugh
about the fact that I cried over you
Tomorrow I will make new friends
and memories and
not a single part of tomorrow
will know your name

IV.
Tomorrow I will drive past Taylor and
Broadway and I will not even care
Tomorrow I will cry for you on the kitchen floor
but I will not beg you to stay

V.
Today I picked the apple the
the hornets ate from and fell in
love with someone before knowing
his name. Today I ran until my legs
gave out and didn't cry when the
strawberries spelled. Today I hugged
my cousin and talked to my dad.
Today I didn't cry when I talked about
you and the knots in my chest remembered
how to be heartstrings. Today I slept in the
sun and told stories my dad told me.
Today I sat by the fire and enjoyed it
for its warmth and not its destruction
Today I remembered to smile without
forcing it. Today I was alive and I was
happy and my god it was amazing
Today I didn't want to die. Today I
breathed in and my lungs didn't ache
Today I didn't want to die. God isn't that
amazing? Today I wanted to be alive
Today I was better.
Better is a good thing to be.