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Then
I’m hanging on by a thread, yet I’m still here.
I resist and stay put.
Always affirming to build resilience
for the future.
I put my string of emotions, and my storm of thoughts into words.
I use symbolism to keep me easy
But yet I still want to.
A few pills can briefly hold the fight.
I inherited my mess.
But I still blame it on others.
I constantly feel as though I’m zooming back into my old state, but then I get sucked into the present.
All so much work.
So easy right?
I need to sleep, but I’m still here.
I type desperately, for some outlet, while my Mother asks me to sleep, and my shoulders ache.
I’m not easy, I am incapable of making it easy.
It’s so hard, to do everything.
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I wrote this poem late at night, when I decided to turn "my string of emotions, and my storm of thoughts into words." I wanted to explain how I fear that my mental health could crash at any moment, but I'm still fighting. The ways I cope, and how I still have bad urges. "A few pills can briefly hold the fight." I take medication for my mental disorders, and you know how when you take medication you have to do it every few hours or so? So, a few pills can *briefly* keep me stable until it wears off. On my mother's side of the family, there are a lot of mental illnesses that I inherited. One day, I mumbled to myself, "I inherited this mess." When I felt depressed. She responded with, "Yeah sure, blame it on other people." When I'm depressed, I remember how I felt during a dark period of my life. But eventually I snap out of it. When you have depression, things that were once a normal routine become an impossible goal. I've had trouble with hygiene and especially completing school assignments due to this.