Then | Teen Ink

Then

May 29, 2022
By l0verbugg GOLD, Concord, Massachusetts
l0verbugg GOLD, Concord, Massachusetts
16 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together." -Marilyn Monroe


I’m hanging on by a thread, yet I’m still here.

I resist and stay put. 

Always affirming to build resilience

for the future.

I put my string of emotions, and my storm of thoughts into words.

I use symbolism to keep me easy

But yet I still want to.

A few pills can briefly hold the fight.

I inherited my mess.

But I still blame it on others.

I constantly feel as though I’m zooming back into my old state, but then I get sucked into the present.

All so much work.

So easy right?

I need to sleep, but I’m still here.

I type desperately, for some outlet, while my Mother asks me to sleep, and my shoulders ache.

I’m not easy, I am incapable of making it easy.

It’s so hard, to do everything.


The author's comments:

I wrote this poem late at night, when I decided to turn "my string of emotions, and my storm of thoughts into words." I wanted to explain how I fear that my mental health could crash at any moment, but I'm still fighting. The ways I cope, and how I still have bad urges. "A few pills can briefly hold the fight." I take medication for my mental disorders, and you know how when you take medication you have to do it every few hours or so? So, a few pills can *briefly* keep me stable until it wears off. On my mother's side of the family, there are a lot of mental illnesses that I inherited. One day, I mumbled to myself, "I inherited this mess." When I felt depressed. She responded with, "Yeah sure, blame it on other people." When I'm depressed, I remember how I felt during a dark period of my life. But eventually I snap out of it. When you have depression, things that were once a normal routine become an impossible goal. I've had trouble with hygiene and especially completing school assignments due to this. 


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