Whatever happened to weekends at grandpa and grandmas 

To staying up late but not telling our parents 

To playing music in the basement while we danced around happy 

Happy happy happy 

That’s something that i’m not used to anymore 

Whatever happened to happy 

Whatever happened to santa 

Or even the easter bunny 

Maybe the tooth fairy lost her wings 

Plucked from her like feathers from a chicken and nobody batted an eye 

I used to believe 

Whatever happened to believing? 

Whatever happened to the little girl who grew up way too fast 

Nobody told her there wasn’t a speed limit on life

She was 7 and 18 at the same time 

And how could that possibly be

 She looked tragedy in the eye and didn’t back down

 She broke down time and time again at just 7 

Whatever happened to being a kid 

Whatever happened to good relationships 

To looking someone in the eyes and trusting them 

To thinking that there was no way someone you loved could hurt you  

Because when little me looked at him 

She saw a role model 

A leader, someone to guide her, even a f**king angel at times 

But what she didn’t see 

Was the abuse, the trauma, the manipulation, the lies, the secrets, the blame. 

Little me didn’t know all that 

Whatever happened to him? 

Whatever happened to that little girl? 

To the ways she learned to love

To her flawed mindset that she did something wrong 

To the way her skin would crawl at night thinking of how he had touched it 

Because I don’t see her anymore 

I see me 

No really, whatever happened to that little girl because I stand in the mirror 

And although I don’t fit to what everybody likes, I look at my 5 foot 4 overweight self in the mirror every morning and love every ounce of her 

I look at how far she’s come and weep at how proud I am of her 

I see how she lets herself stand tall despite what others may say 

Because she loves her

And that’s enough 

So whatever happened to that little girl?