'Letter to a future self'

Where did it go?

My eyes that saw no wrong within this world, nor the people that roamed upon it,

My voice, which rang loud to no consequence, whether I should’ve reconsidered or not,

My ears, which could hear what I desired when no word was spoke...

I’ve lost these which I treasured most, without knowledge that I had treasured it so,

Now, I wear eyes clouded by fear and judgment,

Sing with chords steered by expectations,

And hear what words were never said.

Where did I falter?

When did I lose what I treasured so?

Can I work to reclaim what I’ve lost?

Nay, it shan't be so

For as much as I long to reclaim innocence, I cannot lose the knowledge I’ve gained.

Use those eyes to look beyond what can be seen,

Use that voice to reach those who cannot hear,

Use those ears to hear the faintest of subtleties, even when no word is spoken.

'Stepping Stone'

I long to know what’s to come.

Will I falter, missing every step I take

And each and every step is fumbled, not because of the rock I step,

But the foot that stood upon it?

I fear it could be so, yet it cannot.t

Tis mine alone to create a foot that cannot slip,

And despite that effort, should it crumble,

Then it is not excuse to crumble myself

But to find the seals that will prevent it next time.

'Soliliquey to a Tattered Soul'

You approached

I tried

You talked, and I replied.

Each encounter, a new surprise.

You reached

I caught you

You held on, and I let you

Such an experience was something from a dream,

Couldn’t it always be that way? How could it possibly not?

You approached, and I let you in.

You were bold, I did not ask.

You overstepped, I did not question,

Until after you completed your task.

Such an experience has tampered with my mind,

You changed how I think around others. How could it possibly not?

Approach, I will guard,

Talk, and I may lie,

Act, and I’ll prepare for the worst.

If this seems a step too drastic, like I've gone too far,

You’d change too, were you through what I’ve been.

'Light'

I wake up to the sound of a song,

I sing along, spare my tired nights,

I wish someone’d come along,

Accept and see the light.

Go about my day as the norm,

Venture through the strangers of old,

Might I chance a talk with any,

I’m sure to learn something new.

No matter the task, work or test,

I’ll surpass, or least, give my all

I wish someone’d do their best,

And get up if they fall

Take my craft and expand,

The expansion of creativity in my mind,

Should I fail, or miss my demand,

I’ll rise, and grow until I want what I find.

'Voice of Unreason'

Why is it, that I can never satisfy anyone,

Not that I wish it to be my purpose,

But I find in regards to the desires of others,

My name never slips their lips.

I don’t ask much, yet I seem to crave,

The attention of ones who pass by,

I don’t ask much, yet when I pass,

An attempt, all seem to falter and fail.

I ask a query, sing a song

Pander to needs as you see fit,

But it comes down to this, the quest

And another places higher value.

I detest this though, yet it's commonplace,

To go unnoticed without a trace,

I’ll lie and shout, I didn’t truly care,

Yet alone, I weep placed with doubt

Was I there to begin with,

If you chose me to replace?

Have I ever mattered, been the cause to care,

Or did you even notice that I was there?

'I’m Still Standing'

Inched away day by day,

Moved from mine during each play.

Said I couldn’t excel my art,

Took a leave and broke my heart.

I took a chance and let you inside,

Later you made me unable to confide.

Lied to my face,

Stole my work,

Turned my confidence into nothing of worth.

Again and again, I’ve been left behind,

Not even spared a thought of my mind

Done away and forgotten again,

Insulted when I’d placed much pride in them.

Nothing to gain, they made me feel,

Go away, glorified anime girl.

'Dear Future Husband'

Dear Future Husband,

Or perhaps future Wife?

I have a message to seal our lives.

Perhaps you are tall,

And strong to boot,

But I chose you because you’re kind and cute.

Or maybe you’re reserved,

And don’t speak your mind,

Cause it’s not important til you find what you find.

Could you be loud,

And flirty and blunt?

Brash, but fun with every single stunt!

Mayhaps, stand tall,

And answer with pride,

So smart and cunning, yet you blush inside.

But deep down in you,

A passion will burn,

You’re creative, and colorful, bursting to learn!

Whichever of these,

You turn out to be,

Follow your heart, and listen to me.

I love you more,

Then Disney and cake,

Love you more than my heart can take.

I chose you, dear,

Because my heart told me so,

I chose you ‘cause my brain gave me the go.

Though we’ve not met,

I can't wait till we do,

Count down the years till I can say that I love you.

'Wings'

I wish I had wings upon my back,

Grand, speckled, feathery wings, almost enough to distract them from use.

I would fly through the great wash of blue,

Over mountains, valleys, and people too.

With my wings, I could fly to my house with ease,

Or see my friends in the east!

Travel to Paris, Hogwarts, and Japan,

And on the way back, visit Disneyland.

With my wings, I’d be free to sail the skies,

With my wings, I’d be free from these lies.

I wish I had a tail, instead of my legs,

Delicate, shimmery, mystical fins, almost enough to distract them from use.

I would soar throughout the great blue,

Over coral, schools, and turtles too.

With my tail, I could see what hasn’t been seen,

And discover creatures yet ‘to be’!

Swim with dolphins, otters, and angelfish,

And maybe surface, granting someone’s wish.

With my tail, I would fulfill fantasy,

With my tail, I could finally feel free.

I wish I had wings upon my back,

Damned, torn, leathery wings, almost enough to distract them from use.

I would fly through the vast sea of smog,

Over wars, protests, and “people” too.

With my wings, I could fly behind enemy lines with ease,

Or visit my friends long passed.

Travel to those long abused, burned and scorned,

And on the way back, visit the hand that caused it.

With my wings, I’d be sure to fulfill justice,

With my wings, I’d be sure to fulfill justice.

'Painting'

Another day, another piece,

Inspiration, art block’s seized.

Music fills the open air,

Guiding my hand with thought and care.

As the bristles flow across the screen,

Color implodes and fills the scene.

Ombres stretch of light and dark,

Splatters of magic make their mark,

Scarlet, sangria, and a touch of white,

A wash of cerulean makes it bright.

The figure stands tall, eyes determined to achieve,

But of what, one can never really see.

A scene of one jumping into the fray,

But to where one can never say.

And as the music slows to a halt,

A piece steps up, all worth its salt,

And now it's done, what next in store?

The music starts up again, guiding the brush for more.

'When Tomorrow Comes'

What if by the time tomorrow comes,

I’ve lost the ability to create? One that I cherish so,

Gone before I could bloom?

Or worse, I’ve lost the want to create?

That even this script, could go on unfinished,

Because I finally caved and decided to stop?

What if by the time tomorrow comes,

I’ve lost the bonds I’ve formed? All that time and effort,

Disappeared instantly?

Or worse, I made off with a statement,

Taken so horribly wrong, that it's by my hand,

That everyone I have care for,

No longer trusts me, sees me fit for their time?

What if by the time tomorrow comes,

I’ve lost what little rep I’ve gained be lost? Forgotten

More than I already am?

What could be worse? I’ve lost my identity!

That my very existence could be lost,

In memory and time? No impression left,

Simply blended in the crowd until,

My solid form be lost, and all my work,

Vanished and unwanted?

Who’s to know?

Not I. Perhaps that

Is the way it should stay.

'Emotion'

Fear:

Something that one encounters,

When all that remains certain is uncertainty.

Occurs often, ‘cause one can put on a face,

But to even admit to that fear is the most difficult.

Anger:

Something that rushes to surface,

When emotion grows too bold and brash,

Shows in different manners, ignorance, and noise,

In order to hide that you’ve committed a wrong.

Sorrow:

Something that one attempts to hide,

When reality sets in, and clouds your judgment,

Convinces you though you feel, you should not.

Lest you appear weak or trouble the time of others.

Joy:

Something one does not hold a lot of,

Or if they do, they claim to such falsehoods,

Why should such a pure, delicate light,

Be snuffed out by preconceptions of others?

'Memories of the years'

Not a speck,

My first cartoon step,

A brother to invade my life,

My premiere performance, free of strife,

A step into schooling, eager to learn,

Cooking up apples, dried, unburned.

My choice was made to pursue the arts,

Went to Disney and grew up my heart.

Made a moment to still make me blush,

Made my first friend, I treasured before smushed.

Slept alongside beluga whales,

Took a ‘punishment’ and changed my tale.

Drew my best of a pet that died,

All advancements halted, changed my inside.

A life lost, I could not confide the feeling tearing me apart.

All I want is to spread my wings and fly away, follow my heart,

Fears, judgment, pain, and sorrow ruled dominant in my mind,

Until hand in hand, guided out to people who were kind.

All at once I could step out the crowd,

Sing out my thoughts, clear and proud.

'Heart on my Sleeve'

Love is a blessing and a curse.

While it is a total power guiding even your brain to its desires,

Such pure emotion is easily misguided.

When notes of childhood youth are sung, one is none the wiser,

But as you grow, so does one's desires.

Greed and cravings of companionship can drive one mad,

Drive one to do things they’d not before.

All for the one you love,

To be accepted, to not be forgotten, to be validated.

Such an absence could never be filled by anything else.

Could it?

Surely such thoughts could never be positive.

They say use your head, not what's in your chest,

And met with stares using what’s in your pants,

So then what's the point?

Ask a man on his own, and he’ll complain,

Ask a man in love, and he’ll explain.

So what is the way to go? There can never be an attempt without failure,

Yet failure itself stops us from even trying.

But supposing we overcome the fear,

I like to think it’s worth it.

Of course, what do I know? I’m but a kid, with my heart on my sleeve

'Hypocrisy'

‘Keep your head up’, As you look to the ground.

‘Let your voice be heard’, said without a sound.

‘Treat others as you would be treated’,

You say, ignoring and shaming the defeated.

‘Never give up’, you say backed down,

‘Keep your chin up’ you state with a frown.

Learn from your mistakes, get messy and wild,

I can, so I’ll fly, mature like a child.

'The Highest Peak'

What can we work for, will we ever know?

You’ll fly and you’ll fight until the moment it’s so.

The journey is weary, a dreadful long task,

You may hide and cower behind a plain mask,

Is it worth it? How will we know?

You never can, until the moment it’s so.

Such a long and tedious course,

Could be enough to lose from the source,

All the time and effort and sweat that you pass,

Might lead to nothing, but shattered glass.

What if it’s not worth the trouble try?

You’d only know once you’ve begun to fly.

All the work you’ve put out and done,

Neglected, faded, no longer fun,

What is the point, why should you care,

When even your friends can’t notice you there?

Why are we working for an unknown fate?

But oh the rewards should you work for that date.

Should you overcome anxiety and doubt,

Scream louder than the demons who pound and shout,

Climb that cliff which towers to no end,

Wade through the nonsense, where too much was spent,

Then all that you’ve worked for, that’s when you’ll know,

Perched on the highest peak, a view, unlike anything you’ve known.

'Pheonix'

Burning bright, drawn to you,

Your plumage light, an ombre hue,

A fiery spirit, persistent flame,

Known only by a simple name,

So elusive to the touch,

I’d swear not a soul glows as much,

And as you glide across my mind,

Faced with you, struggle to find,

Proper speech to match your might,

Your grace engulfs the beauty of night.