Alone

No, actually lonely

Being alone is better

Cause you can be with a group

People who you used to think

Were your friends

When they ignore you

Like you aren’t there

Never invited, yet always know every detail

People talk

People laugh

But they never tell you why

They leave you

Exclude you

Are too stuck up to tell you why

They get you out whenever they can

You are so down, but they can push you down farther, harder

Without warning

Ignoring doesn’t work

It only makes you feel powerless

It only tries to push away the feelings

They are already there

Every day

Every mean word

Every betrayal

Everything, everyone that you used to think were always going to be there for you

Help you

Stand up for you

Wait for you

Walk with you

Talk to you

Laugh with you

Gone.

Turn suddenly

Leave you

Go with new girl

Adopt things they should come up with themselves

Replaced so suddenly

Act like you are too stupid, to pick up

on the things they do, how they treat you

Smirks

Glances

Fake reasons

Fake apologies

Fake friends

Unanswered texts

Unanswered emails

Unanswered questions

Tear at your heart

You are still there for them

Still loyal

Still waiting

Still supporting

Still talking

Sometimes you are alone together

Talking

Laughing

Distant looks on their faces, in their eyes

Not focused

Not the friend you remembered

The behavior, how they treat you,

It spreads through the group like ink on wet paper

You are not you

You are silent

Afraid to contribute

Desperate to be accepted

Trying

Still kind

How much, I wonder was my friendship

worth to them,

If I was given up so easily

To short-shorts

“Fashion”

Skinny jeans

Nail polish

Adidas

Crop-tops

“Popular” girl

Looking so innocent

Masking her

Feisty,

Attention seeking self

Not caring

But strong willed

I’ve been hurt.

Too much, for too long

Longing to be noticed

To have fun

Be myself

Be respected

I’m tired of being a pawn

Being shoved around

Made fun of

Disrespected

Ready to burst into tears

This was not my fault

I have stayed the same

They are the ones who changed

I deserve better

Real friends

To be able to laugh

Have fun

Keep in touch

To be happy

This has gone on too long

I need change

People who are happy to see me

Greet me in the morning

Have fun, be myself, be happy

Now:

Smiles surround me

I’m laughing

A real laugh

My heart no longer heavy

People I trust

People I like

Around me

They respect me

Support me

Wait for me

Eat with me

Greet me with real smiles

Make me laugh

I feel safe

I feel happy

I feel the warmth of the sun moving high in the sky

But I also feel the tingly warmth of happiness, the feeling I thought I may never feel the same way again.

I am myself

I feel amazing